Archive | October, 2015

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (2/2)

Don’t underestimate notable ‘quiet man’ Iain Duncan Smith.

I mean, he was critical of Blair’s achingly well-meaning intervention in Afghanistan, so the Tories are obviously nicer than New Labour!

The proof is in the pudding, after all. By their fruits you shall know them…

But enough of the trite cliches. I daresay this is not so much about flamboyant rhetoric.

As a compassionate conservative, I simply cannot just sit there, and see the dysgenic community in such evident distress.

And as I have so often heard from our sickly, effete, well-meaning but ineffective and sentimentally bleeding-heart leftie opponents and enemies: ‘The first principle: Do no harm.’ Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith: ‘IDS Saves Disabled from Useless Suffering’ (1/2)

Iain Duncan Smith has recently shed some Blair tears over disabled people in the UK.

However, believe it or not, most disabled people have been so arrogant and ungrateful as to repudiate his compassionate conservatism!

You know, for too long, the dysgenic community in the UK has been neglected by our government.

Let us never forget that in addition to perfectly normal, non-disabled people, there are also some Untermenschen among us, and this is simply too important to ignore.

No, it is absolutely unacceptable that we should merely leave the dysgenic community and its various individual integral synthetic components alone. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, World News0 Comments

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?

Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”)

Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra?

Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome are no match for Dyzastra.

Do you have toenail fungus that just won’t go away? Maybe it’s time you tried Dyzastra. Continue Reading

Posted in Biz News, Health0 Comments

WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow.

The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tapes revealed much more than that.

The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English: Continue Reading

Posted in Strange People, War Zone0 Comments

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (2/2)

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (2/2)

The problem isn’t so much about not listening to voters.

No, the problem is when the views of mere fallible, imperfect, and often downright ignorant and uneducated voters of mere mortal flesh and blood are…

I mean, the problem is when the mundanely average common man’s prejudices are somehow, you know, treated as some kind of abstract, default, standard, disreputably vanillaesque norm…

Yes, the problem is the tyranny of all these merely opportunistic and ignorant assumptions which are, as it were, you see, for some mysteriously undisclosed reason or another, to be somehow considered as ‘common sense.’

Continue Reading

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (1/2)

Blair: My Critics on Iraq Should Check Their Privilege! (1/2)

Dynamic and charismatic political figure Tony Blair has recently made another helpful intervention, in order to clear up any confused ideas any mere ‘ordinary people’ may be stubbornly clinging to.

Yes, the former Middle East peace envoy and architect of innumerable sweepingly successful and highly lauded humanitarian interventions…

Has recently been so kind as to educate his foolish and benighted critics on where they are going wrong.

Assuming an uncustomarily longwinded and pedagogical stance, Blair twitched: Continue Reading

Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 014 (10-26-15)

4K Glossy News PODCAST 014 (10-26-15)

In the October 26th, 2015 4K/UHD podcasts, I get deep into Halloween treats, keeping kids safe, and other topics.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

* Review of the wickedly clever CW series iZombie starring Rose McIver.

* 20 Tips for a healthy life from Americans over 60, part four. Continue Reading

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Volkswagen Emissions Scandal is “No Conspiracy”

Volkswagen Emissions Scandal is “No Conspiracy”

WOLFSBURG – German Chancellor Angela Merkel asserted that the Volkswagen emission debacle, including years of cover-up, was “no conspiracy.”

Merkel stated: “Already there are crazy Volkswagen conspiracy theorists on the Internet who believe that two or more persons must have planned this emissions strategy. Instead, we are quite sure it was just one person, some lone nut. And we will discover the one person who is responsible, if we possibly can.” Continue Reading

Posted in Environment, Technology0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (2/2)

As every establishment career politician knows, repetition is of the essence of persuasion.

So, here’s a quick refresher on what the Godwinbots afflicting Glossy News and most of the serious internet are up to.

Unpatriotic Pinko Troll Example #1:

 Goering said ‘all you have to do is create a fictional or at least semi-fictional enemy within and without, and then bring the people to your bidding to denounce the naysayers as traitors and parasites.’ Sound familiar?

 Godwinbot Takedown:

 StfUP_ with ur MORREL E-EQUIVALENC, DUDE! Y;U are literilly worse tanh HITTLERRR!!!!!

Continue Reading

Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

Chicago Cubs Lose, Cosmos Safe

In historic fashion, the curse of the Billy Goat again reared its ugly head on those Lovable Losers, the Chicago Cubs.

Game four of the National League Championship Series ended with the New York Mets beating the Cubbies by the score of 8-3, sweeping the team everyone thought was destined to win the World Series because Back to the Future predicted it.

The Mets hammered Chicago Cub pitcher Jason Hammel so bad he only lasted two innings innings in the post season game, ensuring the continuation of planetary rotation and balance within the cosmos. Continue Reading

Posted in Sports, Sports Events0 Comments

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

Glossy News Spam Surge: Establishment ‘Godwinbots’ to Blame (1/2)

The loyal vigilance of the Glossy News team is keeping your comments pages free from spam, from dawn to dusk.

Glossy News is at the forefront of taking out spambots whenever and wherever they poke their thieving, parasitical tentacles.

But what is it that drives these cynical, malevolent bastards, the true enemies of all authentic and legitimate satire? Continue Reading

Posted in Internets Tubes, Politics0 Comments

Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass

Catholic Congressman Steals Pope’s Water Glass

WASHINGTON – Congressman James Bath took advantage of his proximity to Pope Francis during his address to Congress to steal the Pope’s water glass and gulp some of the sacred Washington, DC tap water.

Luckily when the Pope’s throat went dry during his speech to Congress a quick-witted intern replaced the glass with a fresh one.

Bath explained: “It’s well worth it to break one of God’s Ten Holy Commandments in order to save my soul and the souls of my family by dousing myself and my family in the Pope’s holy water.”
“Because I have to be sure that it really is the Pope’s glass, I am having it tested for fingerprints and DNA —using devoutly Catholic forensic specialists naturally. If the immortal souls of these forensic scientists are also saved via their contact with this holy water glass — I won’t call it a holy grail exactly— I don’t have a problem with that. I suppose they deserve it.” Continue Reading

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Religionism0 Comments

4K Glossy News PODCAST 013 (10-19-15)

4K Glossy News PODCAST 013 (10-19-15)

In my October 19th, 2015 4K/UHD podcasts, I get deep into Halloween treats, keeping kids safe, and other topics.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

* Figure out which 2016 presidential candidate is the best match for you with www.ISideWith.com, and more importantly, figure out who your 2nd and 3rd best matches are, because it may come down to that. Continue Reading

Posted in Podcasts, Video News0 Comments

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

Faith in Fed Interest Rate Hike at All-Time High

WASHINGTON – Faith that the Federal Reserve Bank will finally raise interest rates, after years of broken promises, is now at an all-time high.

“The Fed is really going to raise rates after our next meeting,” said Norman Bates, Chair of the Philadelphia Federal Reserve. “We promise. Personally, I’m betting big on a substantial interest rate hike. I can’t wait.”

“Of course we will raise the interest rate,” said New York Fed Chair David Rockemellon. “We just have to do it at our next meeting.” Continue Reading

Posted in Biz News, Politics0 Comments

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (2/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (2/2)

The old story continues:

I AM NOT WHITE!!!

Uh-uh-uhhh! I am Jeb Bush, and I’m not white.

Forget it! I’m just a standard-issue regular guy, like every one of you. Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (1/2)

Jeb Bush: I’m Not ‘White!’ Just a Regular Guy! (1/2)

The achingly well-meaning notable 3.0 du jour has put his foot in it again. Just read his comments at the recent ‘White Community-Black Community GOP Competitive Co-operation 1000 Dollar Dinner’ in the Seattle Hilton.

You know what, I want to address all you black folks somewhere out there in the audience, and thank you all from the bottom of my coffers… uh, my heart.

Because you guys are more or less exactly my kind of people, and I know you just wouldn’t be here if you weren’t supportive of my agenda… uh, my program.

I really mean that, with all my heart. It’s a bit like, well, you remember that achingly sincere video where John McCain congratulated… uh, what’s that guy’s name again? Continue Reading

Posted in Human Interest, Politics0 Comments

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