LBJ’s Human Rights Lecture to Glossy News Readers

Hey, everybody! It’s yer best buddy Jumbo Johnson here! Everybody loves a bit of good old NON-GOVERNMENTAL Human Rights Organization shit, huh?

That’s right, bitches! Time for one damn fine bit of unpatriotic pinko analysis of the notable patriotic human rights NGO, Freedom House!

Ooo, SHIT! I LIIIIKE the sounda THAT!

Well hey, baby! Everybody loves freedom, right?! Read more LBJ’s Human Rights Lecture to Glossy News Readers

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4K Glossy News Podcast 010 (9-28-15)

In my latest 4K/UHD podcasts, I cover a lot of ground, some of downright fascinating. Here are just a few of the topics:

This is available in 4K/UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

* Introduction segments come hot, heavy and frequent this week. Read more 4K Glossy News Podcast 010 (9-28-15)

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‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ No, Says Republican Congressman

Dennis Ladel, a Republican congressman from central Arkansas, says Pope Francis ‘is not Catholic enough to be Pope’.

The freshman congressman objected to a number of positions the Pope took softening the Church opposition on gay civil unions, contraception and divorce.

Mr. Ladels comments, aside from sparking a backlash from Catholics worldwide, may have greater implications by throwing into question millions of decisions that were confirmed by the phrase ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ Read more ‘Is the Pope Catholic?’ No, Says Republican Congressman

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Section 28ers Suffer Backdoor Infiltration: ‘Trot Entryist’ Conspiracy

The gay-bashing sub-Bullington-Boys caucus, the UK’s hetero-supremacist Section 28 caucus, have found themselves in a sticky situation.

But this time, it isn’t because a handful of London cabinet ministers and active participants in the scandalous London culture of sexual politics, um, sexual regulation, have suddenly capriciously withdrawn and left the Section 28ers high and dry!

You know, in order to pursue new acts of conquest, and joyously penetrate fresh new virgin territories…

So as to cheaply exploit the material and spiritual resources of their complicit and unprincipled compradors and Patsies, um, patsies in a measurably fullthroated and hearty manner. Read more Section 28ers Suffer Backdoor Infiltration: ‘Trot Entryist’ Conspiracy

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A German Farmer Hears A Knock Upon His Door Early One Morning

A German farmer hears a knock upon his door early one morning. Upon opening it he is greeted by the sight of a bedraggled immigrant family outside with a number of children. They are wearing tattered and torn clothes native to their area of the globe.

“Good day!” says the lightly bearded, smiling man in heavily accented English who must be the father of the family.

“We have just snuck across your border and would like to get the generous asylum that you Germans offer. We escaped from our country where we have never learned to get along or assimilate with the minorities in our own land and have infighting within our own religious sects to the point where we are willing to brutally kill, maim and blow each other up. Due to the negativities in our religious and political beliefs we are unable to maintain a stable government and resort to killing and imprisoning each other over petty things.”

“We subjugate our women, our children and our minorities to the point where they cannot even maintain any sort of profitable or independent lifestyle. Our women are virtual slaves to every lust or drudgery we men inflict upon them by men from childhood to adulthood.”

“Our religion and our police state regimes keep us so backward socially that we are eternally in poverty and so crippled intellectually that we still exist at a medieval level and are unable to compete financially with the rest of the world around us.”

“That is why we are escaping our negative society and wandering to your land so that you can clothe and feed us and give us monetary handouts and jobs and welfare and all the other benefits that your people have worked for decades to develop.

We feel that because we are poor and unwilling to face the problems we have in our own lands we will invade your and share our problems with you. We watched closely for the last couple decades as you took in and sheltered immigrants from every other catastrophe in the European area and feel you are obligated to do the same with us.”

“To get here we paid what little money we had to criminals to illegally bring us to your western lands against the will of your leaders at great risk to ourselves, our wives and our children. We then showed disrespect for the borders and laws of every country we tramped through to get here and rejected offers of asylum at those places because we know Germany is the golden goose of Europe and we can get richer here.”

“Once established here we will refuse to fully adapt into your land, form our own enclaves and our young will eventually become angry with you and plot against you to your own disadvantage.”

“So, where are the apartments you must give us and the food and the clothing?”

While all this was being said, the German farmers very old mother doddered slowly up to the door and listened in to what was being said.

“Himmel willen!” she cried. “We rebuilt this land back up from the ashes after an Austrian, another Auslander, came in and dictated what we were to do and how. We had to clean up after his mess and I don’t see why we should have to clean up after yours too!” She then slammed the door in his face.

The Mideast father was stunned by this for a moment, then finally turned to his wife and said, “OK, let’s try the next farmhouse.”

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Coca-Cola Resurrects 1889 Advertising Campaign by Adding Coke

ATLANTA, GA – Every fan of Coca-Cola was jumping with joy on Friday morning as the beverage behemoth’s first round of new TV ads hit the airwaves featuring a new message intended to boost sales of its beverages, which have taken a hit from competition over the last two years.

For those that have not had the opportunity to witness the 47-second commercial. It features the President of Coca-Cola North America, J. Alexander M. Douglas, Jr., explaining the details. “In these technologically advanced times, it is important for all established companies to remember where they came from, and that is why Coca-Cola is bringing back its original 1889 message that every Coca-Cola product will contain coke.” Read more Coca-Cola Resurrects 1889 Advertising Campaign by Adding Coke

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4K Glossy News Podcast 009 (9-21-15)

In my September 21st, 2015 4K/UHD podcasts, I cover a lot of ground, some of it even interesting. Here are just a few of the topics:

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

* What it’s like to literally be lightning in the first person. Read more 4K Glossy News Podcast 009 (9-21-15)

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