ATLANTA, GA – Every fan of Coca-Cola was jumping with joy on Friday morning as the beverage behemoth’s first round of new TV ads hit the airwaves featuring a new message intended to boost sales of its beverages, which have taken a hit from competition over the last two years.
For those that have not had the opportunity to witness the 47-second commercial. It features the President of Coca-Cola North America, J. Alexander M. Douglas, Jr., explaining the details. “In these technologically advanced times, it is important for all established companies to remember where they came from, and that is why Coca-Cola is bringing back its original 1889 message that every Coca-Cola product will contain coke.”
The new message shocked many at first as the company’s stock (KO), publicly traded on the New York Stock Exchange, dropped more than 50% in price during regular trading before bouncing back when the market closed at 4:00pm.
While many saw only brilliance with the ad, many initially thought of the drug implications relating to the amount of cocaine found in the 1889 recipe, the reason for the sudden stock crash. However, even with the brief scare, business moguls such as Donald Trump think the message will pay massive dividends for Coca-Cola. “When you have as much money as I do, you can afford to buy original Coca-Cola from 1889 and you know exactly why they decided to go back,” Trump stated before snorting a filled pint glass with a straw.
Coca-Cola plans on adding miniature aluminum cans, plastic bottles and current Major League Baseball Free Agent Pitcher, Phil Coke, to all of their Coke, Diet Coke and Coke Zero products immediately.