Impoverished Citizens Fail to Speak up for the Billionaires

This is the face of Donald Sterling who lost his NBA basketball team. And those are the brothers Koch; Charles and David, who spend most of their money trying to help others with no thought of benefit for themselves. So gracious.

These three men belong to one of America’s fastest growing disadvantaged groups: disadvantaged billionaires.

Fifty years ago, there were only dozens of these unfortunate souls. But now there are hundreds and because their numbers continue to grow, they desperately need our help.

Sadly, they are often forced to live in remote compounds walled off from you and me. Due to the curse of inherited or accumulated wealth, these poor souls don’t have access to the things some of us take for granted like unemployment insurance, social assistance, food stamps and Medicaid.

Except for the occasional seven-figure tax subsidy or multimillion dollar government grant, they are forced to provide for themselves.

Little Donnie Sterling and the two Koch brothers are typical victims of today’s economy. While you enjoy the certainty of living pay check to pay check, they must try to cope with the heartache and tragedy of unanticipated revenue gains and continuous capital accumulations.

Yes, there have been advances in recent decades to help America’s disadvantaged. We’ve managed to lower their top marginal tax rates from 80% to an effective rate of 25% or even lower. We’ve reduced the tax on their capital gains, provided new tax loopholes and created new offshore tax havens. But we can do more.

Help the Billionaires Fund is the answer. For as little as a dollar a day, you can sponsor one of America’s unfortunate wealthy.

Your donation may go to buy something as simple as a new gold-plated door knocker for one of your sponsored billionaire’s multiple residences. Or it might pay for stocking the mini-fridge in one of his planes or automobiles.

If you can afford five dollars a day, your annual donation can help feed a hungry billionaire and make sure that he is never without the necessities of a wealthy life such as Champagne, truffles and caviar.

For $25 a day, you can help clothe one of America’s most needy. For the price of five daily lattes, you’ll help to ensure that your sponsored billionaire will always have a ready supply of silk shirts and ties and never again suffer the humiliation of having to buy suits off the rack.

Your gift will also help fight important legal battles. Already the U. S. Supreme Court has taken steps to guarantee that America’s superrich do not suffer unduly from severe campaign financing limitations. But there is more work to be done and your generous gift can help to one day lift any and all restrictions on billionaires’ campaign donations so they can exercise their full democratic rights.

Despite our best efforts, the number of billionaires continues to grow thereby threatening the adequate supply of everything from Mercedes-Benzes to Lear Jets to NBA franchises. So please call the number on your screen right now and give to Help the Billionaires Fund and support America’s wealthy.

Remember. By providing these folks with more, you’re really just helping yourself when the money eventually trickles back down to you. It truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Author: Dave Martin

Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on and he blogs at