Categorized | Human Interest, Society

Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned

Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned

Reading, Pennsylvania – At least one professional is dumbfounded following the completion of two transactions between neighbors in the dorms of Albright College on North 13th Street.

Students Sean Chaigarvsky and Michael Kellner have lived next to one another for less than a year, but recently exchanged a tool with a cross-shaped tip as part of an initiative to fix a loose bedpost.

“It really was not that complicated,” Chaigarvsky stated to reporters who were interested in the motivation behind the transaction.

“Michael knocked at my door, asked to borrow a Phillips-head screwdriver, which I handed to him. Then he went into his room and gave the screwdriver back about five minutes later,” added Chaigarvsky.

Although many find the exchange to be very simple, Swedish Psychoanalyst, Heinrich T. Heimichschlopper, who has been studying human interaction for 25 years, says this is not the case.

“What you have here is evolution to the nth degree,” said Heimichschlopper, while measuring the distance between the neighboring doorways.

“To think that we have come so far as a species to borrow an item that is in need and then have the intelligence to use that item to complete a specified task and then return the item to its origin upon completion of that task is simply astounding!” Heimichschlopper added just before taking DNA samples from both parties involved in the sequence of events.

According to past studies completed by Heimichschlopper, similar transactions occurred thousands of years ago in Africa, when ancient Egyptians would share baskets for housing breadsticks with their neighbors before returning the baskets when they were empty. However, it has been hundreds of years since the last known occurrence.

Physicists and Historians alike are still analyzing the facts, but are beginning to see a correlation between this interaction and the recent extinction of the Olive Garden restaurant chain. For more information please visit www.historyofthegarden.com or call 1-800-DED-BRED.

Share

This post was written by

- who has written 24 posts on GlossyNews.com.

In the history of mannkind, there have only been a handful of individuals with the talent to take genuine news and completely warp it into something that will convince an audience to believe the unbelievable. FreeMann is one of those select few. From Breadstick Island, California, he has been writing comedy, satire and parody for more than 10 years and has been published all over the web and produced on radio stations across the country. He is credited with writing the screenplays "Bar Critics," "Breadsterastyx," "Breadsterafish" and enjoys listening to "Purple Rain" and Hall & Oates on repeat.

.

One Response to “Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned”

  1. So scientists are just catching up to commonsense? And they require so much funding just to confirm what we already know. There is that tendency in evolutionary psychology, I think, because those biologists deal in just-so stories. But the findings and theories in physics are quite counter-intuitive.

    This is an amusing satire, though. I like the idea of finding humour in even a seemingly simple or trivial event, like lending a tool to someone.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks


Leave a Reply


We are also looking for a satire editor
and a Clever Photoshop Guru...
Check out our friends:
Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Glossy Exclusive Video: How Hot Dogs are REALLY Made
(Comment on this video here)
-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Visit the “Old Version” of our Site

     
Still want more? Find thousands of buried satirical gems in our archives on the old version of Glossy News!

Check This Out!

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)

5 posts
3 posts
2 posts
2 posts
1 post
1 post


All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial