Drunken Governor Sells Indiana Back to Native Americans

INDIANAPOLIS – Calling it the most regrettable legislative decision of his career, Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels – apparently under the influence of alcohol – agreed to sell the entire state of Indiana back to the Native Americans Saturday.

According to Daniels – who had been hosting a lavish New Years party at his residence in Indianapolis – a deal was accidentally struck over the telephone with Wabaunsee, leader of the Wabash River Potawatomi tribe, ensuring the sale of all land north of the Ohio River.

“My fellow Hoosiers,” said a haggard looking Daniels in a televised address this morning. “Some way or another, I kind of did a very silly thing this weekend. I’m still trying to remember everything that went down but it looks increasingly as if I may have sold all 92 counties back to the Native Americans. I… we… we’re going to get this worked out; I promise.”

It is unclear what the gaffe will mean for the state’s economy, though it is understood that Mr Daniels was able to negotiate 10,000 woven baskets, as well as a line of hollowed-out canoes in return for the state.

“Trust me,” he continued. “If I can’t get this mess turned around, at least the state will have a nice supply of tomahawks to fall back on.”

“What… what the Hell have I done?”

The Potawatomi has yet to publicly comment on the issue, however a spokesman for the tribe hinted that their first objective as rulers of Indiana will be to tackle the deterioration of the housing market by implementing 3 million wigwams across the state.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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