Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control

YORKTOWN – During the post-Christmas period, friends and relatives of local woman Angela Hartman today noted how, in the last year, the 38-year-old’s weight has spiraled worryingly under control.

Insisting that Miss Hartman “looks as if she hasn’t eaten in two weeks,” the woman’s mother Kathy says that her only daughter’s new diet – which consists of a 5-a-day serving of fruit, one daily Slim Fast shake and varying forms of meat-based salads – is a real cause for concern in the Hartman household.

“Angela is barely recognizable from the two-hundred-and-ninety pound daughter I knew twelve months ago,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve seen her eat a corn dog or a cheeseburger in over half a year. I’m very worried about her.”

Arriving at the family’s Christmas gathering this past Sunday, Miss Hartman drew several concerned glances, notably from relatives who haven’t seen her since last year’s festivities.

“She doesn’t look well,” whispered grandfather Eric. “Somebody needs to get that gal a plate of Momma’s meat and potatoes.”

Meanwhile, Angelina and Michelle Hartman were quick to point out how ridiculous their youngest sister looks in those “non-baggy jeans and that form-fitting t-shirt.”

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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