Month: July 2013
Kid Goes Cross-Eyed, Face Gets Stuck That Way
DERRY, NH—Despite repeated warnings from his parents, an area boy kept going cross-eyed, and now his face is stuck that way. “We warned him,” stated Sheryl Mackey, the mother of the now handicapped-looking child. “We told him if he kept…
Important safety alert: The dangers of texting while breathing
In our increasingly technology-bound culture, cell phone use has exploded over the past decade. A recent report indicates there are now more cell phones in the USA than people, and three times more cell phone users than people who can…
FDA Adds “Homicidal Rampage” Warning to Otherwise Perfectly Safe Drug
Washington DC: The Food and Drug Administration has announced an immediate black box warning will be placed on it’s controversial anti-malarial drug, Lariam, also known as Mefloquine, due to its tendency to make patients attempt murder, suicide, genocide and partake…
Humans Have Rights. Why Not Pets? (comic)
Just looking back in American history, there was a time (quite recently!) when women were denied the vote. There were also times with poll taxes and other efforts to disqualify votes, but only as recent as 2012. Not to diminish…
Maybe the Mayans were right. Religious scholars say gay marriage a sign the end is near.
Experts in ancient Mayan culture recently prophesized that the world would come to a cataclysmic end in 2012, give or take a year or two. They based this on detailed interpretations of the ancient Mayan calendar. Thanks to President Obama’s…
Study: Indoor Cats Also Present Owners w/ Gifts (comic)
Indoor/outdoor cats are famous for bringing back trophies to their owners. Maybe it’s a dead bird, a half-eaten squirrel, or just a random noun from the yard, like bark or a tattered bit of tennis ball. A recent study has…
Group Stages Naked Protest Against Naked Protests
Todays Breaking News: a group of women from Latvia have launched a naked protest against the global outbreak of naked protests, I assure you there is a lot of information to go with this story, but right now I am…
Allegedly Girthy Guys Refuse Fact-Check, Obviously (comic)
The overwhelming majority of us guys know that we’re between 6-10 inches in length, and we all swear it has nothing to do with the fact that women wouldn’t recognize a foot if it was stuffed into their own shoes….
An Open Letter to Atos Healthcare
Dear Atos, My family and I would like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for the miracle you caused in my cousin, Laura Sutton. After a most thorough assessment, during which you asked such questions as to…
Immigrants: Stop Stealing out Lowly Paid, Terrible Jobs No One Wants (comic)
We hear too often about immigrants “stealing our jobs,” but without enough context. Back east there are states that have passed strict anti-immigrant laws, and the tomatoes have rotted in the field with no one to pick them. So maybe…