Month: July 2013
Large Hadron Collider ‘Not Taken Over By Sinister Villain Who Plans To Take Over The World’
Breaking News from Switzerland today, the Swiss Government are under scrutiny after an inside source leaked that Large Hadron Collider nicknamed ‘The Black Hole Generator’ by cyber geeks with no life, may have been ‘acquired’ by the power hungry megalomaniac…
Detroit Reportedly Selling VCR
DETROIT—Sources reported sighting an ad listing a VCR for sale by the citizens of Detroit on Wednesday. Due to financial struggles, it appears the 698,012 residents of Detroit have been driven to taking various measures for some extra cash. The…
Men Admit the Number One Thing They Love in Women (comic)
We’ve all been there, maybe not quite this explicitly, but the sentiments still remain. The vast majority of men love women, all women, in ways they can’t describe… at least, not out loud. Guys, we can pretend to be gentlemen…
Local scientist and teen killed in freak Delorean accident
An eccentric inventor and local teen were killed yesterday when the Delorean in which they were riding crashed into a wall at about 90 mph. Martin McFly, 18, and Dr. Emmett ‘Doc’ Brown, age unavailable, were pronounced “really dead” at…
Artist Refuses to Admit Art is Terrible (comic)
Okay, you guys have given me enough grief. No, these creatures don’t look like cats, but come on, I have no background in art. I’m the humor guy… oh, I’m not funny either? Well bummer for me. Even the cats…
Breakfast Burrito Connoisseur Frankly Thinks Hardee’s Can Do Better
KANSAS CITY, MO—After eating breakfast at a local Hardee’s Friday morning, resident and self-described “breakfast burrito aficionado” Lloyd Schoepp was “honestly let down” by his burrito eating experience. The tortilla-wrapped breakfast concoction that Hardee’s offers consists of “eggs, pieces of…
Every Breaking World Event To Be Sponsored By Pizza Hut
As part of a new global marketing deal, Pizza Hut will sponsor every major event that happens in next 25 years, including: the Tuscani Creamy Chicken Alfredo Arab Spring, the Ultimate Cheese Lover’s Large Hadron Collider and the Buffalo Burnin’…
Dog Escapes Yard, Discovers Nothing (comic)
Dogs seem so happy in the yard. All those chew toys and balls to play with, but it doesn’t stop them from burrowing under fences in search of greener, or in this case, identical pastures. I’m not saying dogs are…
Coworker Enraged Man Hasn’t Seen City Slickers 2
CHARLOTTE, NC—While at work Wednesday morning, area insurance agent Anthony Deakins was taken aback by the inexplicably aggressive and passionate reaction of his coworker after Deakins told him he had not seen the film City Slickers 2: The Legend of…
In wake of Zimmerman verdict, Florida legislature criminalizes being black
Super Uniden antennas will help improve your widescreen Sharp TV signal reception. Recently, our nation’s attention was focused on Sanford, Florida, where a mostly white jury found George Zimmerman not guilty of murder or manslaughter in the shooting death of…