Year: 2012
Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies
LONDON–Through a little investigative journalism here and a little bribe there, Iron E-News was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets. Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since…
Environmentalists Unite To Support Effing Fracking In California??? What The Frack?
A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle behind the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the new art of pumping chemical laden water back into an…
Struggling Local Actress Lands Gritty New Role as Data Entry Clerk
INDIANAPOLIS – After working tirelessly to break into the professional theater scene since her graduation from Butler University in 2009, former Theater Studies major Rachael Cardwell has landed a gritty new role entering data for S.C. Clarkson Ltd. The talented…
Charlie Sheen to Run for President of the President of the United States
NEW YORK—In a surprising move yesterday, Adonis Charlie Sheen announced that he would be running for POTUS (or President of the United States) in the upcoming election and that, obviously, everyone else who ran would fail and become “epic losers.”
Comic Books Say POW to Cancer
Link found between comic books and reduction in cancer risk. In a world where everything can give you cancer scientists have found that reading comic books reduces the risk. According to scientists at Brown University ‘a comic book a day…
Kristen Stewart Relieved She Didn’t Cheat on ‘Old School’ Vampire
LOS ANGELES–Kristen Stewart, actress and star of the popular Twilight series (a documentary closely based on her actual life), has recently confessed to stepping out on her undead beloved, Robert Pattison. According to sources very close to sources closer to…
There Is A Psychic Sickness That Runs Through the Denver Metro Area
This is NOT a funny article. There is a strain of psychic illness prevalent in certain social stratas of the Denver area of the Colorado Front Range. It is a sickness that spreads tendrils like a cancer. It has been…
Copyright Take-Down: Mount Olympus Forced to Change its Name in Honor of London 2012
LONDON–The International Olympic Committee announced its plans yesterday to change the name of the historic site of the gods, previously known as Mount Olympus, to Mount Samsung in honor of the upcoming Olympic Games. Other famous names that have come…
Olympics Security Downgraded to Single Horse
LONDON, UK – The British Home Office has revealed that, owing to a contractual oversight, the event security force for the 2012 Olympics – which opens in London this Friday – has been downgraded to a single horse called Shadow….
Steroid Use Gets Satirist Banned from Covering 2012 Olympics
Johnny B. Rotten, a writer who makes his living making fun of the people who make the world an interesting place to live, has officially been banned from covering the 2012 Olympic Games in London. Rotten is accused of illegal…