Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

LONDON–Through a little investigative journalism here and a little bribe there, Iron E-News was able to obtain the royal jewel of news: The Queen’s Tweets.

Unbeknownst to most of the world, her majesty has a secret Twitter account and, since 2009, has become an avid contributor under the codename Intrnt Hpstr.

We have the exclusive and complete list of tweets and are very happy to share them with you:

How many twits does it take to get an old woman up the stairs? Really!

@ME: Remind urself to get a manicure

Ooooh! I luv Mr. Bean!! He makes me LOL

@ME: I’m gunna live 4ver! I’m gunna learn how to fly! Queen!

I shldve worn a Pippa dress

They should have a gold medal for living the longest. Sry Charles.

Can anyone tell me what the devil is going on?

@Charles: Where’s my beer? And don’t tell me I have to drink a bloody Heineken. It tastes like arse.

And now they should have a gold medal for longest, queerest opening ceremony. Where’s Mr. Bean?

By the way World…I really jumped out of that heli. Oh yeah!

Upon receiving this golden nugget of secrets, we felt it was our duty to share this strangely endearing side of a royal family often viewed as out of touch with the rest of the normal world. Long live the Queen of Tweets! Long live the Intrnt Hpstr!

Author: jeff boldt

Writer and editor of Iron E-News - a satirical news website dedicated to that ever-abiding alternate bizarro world--at times all too closely mirroring our own. *Also writes under the pseudonym W.P. Scranton

5 thoughts on “Queen Tweets Her Way through the Opening Ceremonies

  1. Yeah, but the Queen is teh hot.

    Nope… can’t even make a second joke about it.

    Though I do wish she’d adopt modern social media. Might preserve the empire, as they serve no discernible purpose other than nostalgia.

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