Year: 2012
GlossyNews Finds Man Who’s Never Heard of Obama or Romney
(GlossyNews) — Deep in the swamps of Louisiana, reporters for GlossyNews have discovered a man who has never heard of either presidential candidate. He is believed to be the last of his kind. Inviting the curious journalists inside his spacious…
Angsty Northern Indiana ‘Wishes It Could Be As Pretty As The South’
FORT WAYNE, IN – In an apparent emotional outburst Saturday, the angsty northern half of Indiana lamented that it “was no way near as pretty as The South.” Assessing its many unsightly industrial towns, The North admitted it was jealous…
Republican strategy to overcome roll-down airplane windows
It may have been my old AMC Rambler1 but it was the chance of a lifetime when Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney gave me an exclusive press pass to last weekend’s Republican National Committee strategy session. Here is how it…
Honey Boo Boo Plans Comeback For 2046
7-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson says she plans to burn out soon as a child star but has already planned her ‘comeback’ for the year 2046 when she is 41 years old. “Sure, I’m a fat child star now…
Women, Help End Discrimination Against Men … by Getting Struck by Lightning
I am a staunch advocate of women’s rights to equal treatment and nearly equal pay. I’ve even watched Oprah and Ellen on occasion. But please don’t tell my golfing buddies. They would never understand. There is no denying that women…
Replacement Refs Replace Rules of Football
NEW YORK- Replacement referees, locked out referees, and team owners sat down on Monday to discuss disagreements that have arose over the first three weeks of the season. Sunday’s schedule was an outstanding example of just how creative the liberties…
Romney On His Video Gaffe: ‘Obama Is Destroying This Nation’
WASHINGTON D.C. – Attempting to deflect growing criticism following a leaked video allegedly showing him alienating “47%” of the American electorate, Mitt Romney today addressed the issue, declaring: “Obama is ruining this great nation.” Mr. Romney came under fire Monday…
NFL Addresses Fan Discontent by Hiring Replacement Refs from Foot Locker
The National Football League is taking decisive action in response to complaints about horrendously bad officiating by the replacement referees, who were brought in due to the lockout of referees by the league. The move is the culmination of events…
Sofia Vergara Reveals Formerly Hidden Talents At The Emmy Awards
The Emmy Awards got a huge ratings boost right in the middle of the program when Sofia Vergara’s already revealing dress ripped to expose even more luscious skin, good thing she was at least able to obtain an award manufactured…
Report Finds Today Crappiest Day Since Forever
INDIANAPOLIS – A new report conducted by professors at Indiana University has found that today – Tuesday, September 25th, 2012 – has been, like, the crappiest day ever. It’s not gonna lie, continued the report, this has been one utterly…