INDIANAPOLIS – A new report conducted by professors at Indiana University has found that today – Tuesday, September 25th, 2012 – has been, like, the crappiest day ever.
It’s not gonna lie, continued the report, this has been one utterly sucky day.
Things apparently started off badly at around 7:30 when the nation’s alarm clock went off at approximately the very time everyone thought it was still around 6:45, and quickly progressed into the absolute worst fucking day of all time.
According to the extensive study, there was not one single redeeming feature about this day, which continued with a damn-near ridiculous traffic jam heading into work, followed by the awful realization that the nation had left its ID badge on the coffee table this morning.
Why can’t it be Friday?, the study outlined.
The day was compounded further when the Excel spreadsheet everyone had worked so hard on all day was accidentally deleted by Tim from accounts, and the nation was moved to near breaking point by the endless ringing of the telephone.
Thinking that this day couldn’t get any worse, read the study, the nation was prevented from leaving the parking lot following work after being accosted by a homeless man who just wondered if everyone could spare a dollar so that he could get home.