Day: November 6, 2012
Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner
GlossyNews.com – Undecided voter Harold Merman of Niblock, Ohio has finally made his choice for this year’s presidential election. It should come as no surprise; he’s choosing the winner. That’s right; whoever finishes first on November 6th has Mr. Merman’s…
Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney
GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse. The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair…
With Exit Polls Close, Liberals Fearful of Obama Loss Flood Canada
Ottawa, Canada – GlossyNews.com – The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past few hours, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President
GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is. By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential…
Senator McCain Makes Preparations for Acceptance Speech
GlossyNews.com – In what many in the Washington beltway press are calling “just a little bit weird”, the office of Senator John McCain has sent out a press release this morning announcing his intent to hold a victory celebration for…
Hurricane-Struck PA Vote Complete, Romney Claims All 5
GlossyNews.com – The republican vote in the state of Pennsylvania has been completed and tallied. All 5 votes were reportedly allocated to two-time presidential hopeful and failed former Governor Willard Mitt Romney. The democratic observer at the polling place has…
President Obama Trapped in Hope/Change Related Scandal
GlossyNews.com – Washington D.C.- After many years of speculation, allegations arose concerning the Presidents abuse of Hope. While sources closest to the president could not confirm or deny these allegations, some senior level advisers have come forward with their suspicions….
GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies
GlossyNews.com – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House….
Romney and Obama Both Concede
GlossyNews.com – GlossyNews has learned that the presidential candidates of the two major parties have both decided to concede the election. Partly for reasons unknown, but mostly to spare the American people the frustration of waiting for the results. Since…
Ron Paul Still Campaigning Out In Nebraska Somewhere
GlossyNews.com – NEBRASKA, SOMEWHERE – With just hours to go until the polls close Tuesday, committed Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul was reportedly still out on the campaign trail somewhere in Nebraska this morning. Though the GOP officially nominated Mitt…