GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House.

Asked how something like this could happen, state election officials said that Georgia voters simply ignored all of the options on the ballot and wrote in either Honey Boo Boo, Twinkies, or Gary Johnson.

Ron Paul was unavailable for comment.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

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When asked what she thought about the day’s events, Honey Boo Boo made a string of noises, which on-hand TLC producer Ty Johnson subtitled as, “Nobody knows no Gary Johnson. What kind of a name is Gary Johnson? He sounds like a hotel or a poop party house! Gary Johnson looks like the guy that sold my mom cheese balls. I love cheese balls! When I win president I’ll give everybody cheese balls, until they poop bright orange like a school bus.”

TLC has announced that Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been picked up for two additional seasons, citing its “high educational value on this, The Learning Channel.”

Author: Mark Garrison

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both." His work has appeared in Opium Magazine, Monkeybicycle, and many other places with interesting names.

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