Ottawa, Canada – GlossyNews.com – The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past few hours, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.
The unsettling news that Obama might be defeated are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck if Obama is given his walking papers in January 2013.
PHOTO INSERT: One group of New York liberals decided a quick raft trip would help circumvent the guards at the Canada border, but a strong current and a disagreement over who
will paddle and who’ll be in charge ruined their plans.
Canadian border farmers say they’re seeing dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, secular Jews and Unitarians crossing their fields tonight.
“I went out to milk the cows a few minutes, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders New York state. “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Canada border guards erected higher fences, but the liberals quickly scaled them. Finally, First Constable Angus Tremont installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still are getting through and Rush annoyed local farmer’s cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who have been meeting liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.
“A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” a border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water.They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though.”
Unlucky liberals who have caught were sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, listen to country music, and watch NASCAR races.
In recent hours, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses tonight and questioned the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens complained the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” a Calgary resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”
In an effort to ease tensions between the US and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the Administration would take steps to re-assure liberals.
A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.