Day: November 6, 2012
Americans Flock to Polls Desperate to End Election Season
GlossyNews.com – Exit polls show that while voters split about 50-50 on which candidate they preferr for president, 99.3% agreed that they also voted just to bring an end to the election season. “Oh, totally,” Miranda Kelly said, “One more…
Election Day, Why Not Choose a Dictator?
Charles and David Koch Koch Industries 666 Koch Avenue Koch, Kansas GlossyNews.com – RE: President of the United States Dear Human Resources Manager: I am applying for the position of President of the United States. Please find attached my resume….
Famous Magazines Make Their (Stupid?) Presidential Endorsements
GlossyNews.com – With election day at hand magazines are getting in on the political action with endorsements, often ham-handed ones, of their own. While some are obvious (oh really? NYTimes went for Obama and Wall Street Journal went for Romney?…
Gallup: Romney Defeats Truman
GlossyNews.com – Gallup, the oldest, wisest and arguably the most interesting polling firm in the industry, has shown some pretty, shall we say, peculiar results this election season. But nothing compares to the statement issued 26-minutes ago by Gallup; “Romney…
Obama’s First Debate Loss; Foul Odor
GlossyNews.com – President Obama and the Democratic National Committee, in a surprising press release yesterday, accused presidential candidate Mitt Romney of intentionally dousing himself in Aqua Velva aftershave just before the Denver presidential debate with the intent of throwing the…
Tea Party Winning Big on This; Opposite Day
GlossyNews.com – With incumbent truck-owning senator Scott Brown already behind in exit polls and a slew of other Tea Party favorites flagging in election results, the Tea Party is hailing big victories on this; opposite day. “We’re really glad to…
Gary Johnson Ahead 99 pts Among Non-Voters
GlossyNews.com – OHIO – In a stunning revelation, Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson is leading the nation by 99 points among people who have not voted, will not vote, or for other legal reasons cannot vote. “So you mean this…
Joe Walsh (R-IL) Yells At Voters, What Is Freakin’ Wrong With You?
GlossyNews.com – Illinois one term congressman Joe Walsh created a spectacle outside a rural voting precinct this morning when he lashed out at several voters who snickered at him after voting for his opponent. The congressman, never known for being…
Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney
GlossyNews.com – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote. Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place…
Florida Breaks Early for Pat Buchanan
GlossyNews.com – The “Sunshine State” has been largely contested this election, with both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama leading at various times, but today’s exit polls suggest one clear winner: Pat Buchanan. Buchanan was reached at his Virginia home early…