Day: November 6, 2012
Newsflash: America Votes to End Democracy, Become Dictatorship
GlossyNews.com – Nov. 7, 2012- An astonishing, unexpected, unbelievable and catastrophic end has come to the long Presidential election in the United States today. An overwhelming number of Americans in the write in section of the ballot expressed that they…
Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam
GlossyNews.com – My fellow Americans- I wish to prepare you for a great and unbelievable shock. At least for most of you. Some have already realized what is happening. Please sit down. This will be hard to take.
Rampant Mourning: Obama Conspires with Hurricane to Steal Election
In what has been the most polarizing campaign since our nation was torn apart by Pepsi’s shocking defeat of Coke in the Pepsi Challenge of 1975, it appears that thanks to an ingenious last-minute October Surprise maneuver, President Obama has…
Peyton Manning Didn’t Vote: Too Busy Feigning Modesty About Status as Best F’ng Quarterback Ever
Denver, CO—Denver Broncos’ Quarterback, Peyton Manning, revealed to reporters this evening that he didn’t have time to visit the polls today because he was too busy faking modest responses to numerous claims that he is the greatest QB of all…
Kentucky Democrat Votes for Right to Complain
Newport, KY – Local liberal Michael Benton walked to the middle school gymnasium, and was greeted with laughter and an occasional jeer. He greeted his Republican friends, gave his ID to the snickering old ladies behind the folding table, and…
US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets
American Voters Take Inspiration From Belgium and Get Rid of Their Government. GlossyNews.com – American voters, sick of months of a rabid and bilious Presidential campaign, today on voting day made a decisive choice of getting rid of their government…
Honey Boo Boo Weeps on Live TV When Obama Loss Announced
GlossyNews.com – Hog Jaw, GA – Not since her child beauty pageant loss in Vicksburg to 6-year-old Playdo model Mae Belle Glutz has reality TV star Honey Boo Boo cried so hard as to drop her fried chicken drumstick. So…
Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out
GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake. Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the…
Empty Chair Posts Strong Showing In Early Voting
GlossyNews.com – This election year has seen a surge in early voting as more and more states allow for this convenient option, while others have restricted the hell out of it. Both the Obama and Romney camps had hoped that…
Maryland Overwhelming Approves Gay Marriage, Mauve
GlossyNews.com – In sharp contrast to the first 32 state amendments barring marriage between two loving adults who happen to share the commonality of penis or vagina, Maryland tonight approved Question 6 allowing marriage equality to become law in the…