Categorized | Politics

Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner

Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner – Undecided voter Harold Merman of Niblock, Ohio has finally made his choice for this year’s presidential election. It should come as no surprise; he’s choosing the winner.

That’s right; whoever finishes first on November 6th has Mr. Merman’s full and unwavering support.

“Experience has taught me that it is always best to get behind a winner,” said Merman. “And that’s exactly what I intend to do. In short, I endorse the winner.”

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By throwing his support behind the first place finisher, Mr. Merman will avoid the inevitable letdown that comes after election day when you choose a named candidate and that candidate comes in second.

Those that decide to name their favorite candidate beforehand run a roughly fifty-fifty risk of disappointment. With a “winner endorsement” strategy, Merman has a one hundred percent guarantee of satisfaction since his “guy” always wins.

“On November 7th,” said Merman. “I am guaranteed the good feeling that comes with knowing that I backed the winner.”

Endorsing the winner also gives voters bragging rights and a better chance of acquiring some political patronage.

“I’m not saying I’ll get a cushy clerical job down at the local post office,” said Merman. “But if I mail in a request to The White House, I’m pretty sure I’ll get that signed photo of the president I’ve always wanted.”

But like most undecided voters, there’s one thing Merman simply will not do, and that is vote.


This post was written by

- who has written 42 posts on

Dave Martin's humor and political satire have appeared in many major North American newspapers including The N. Y. Times, The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune. His latest humor collection is entitled "Screams & Whispers" available on and he blogs at


One Response to “Undecided Ohio Voter Literally Chooses Winner”

  1. Mike Kelly says:

    This is a responsible response to an impossible situation. Who wants to face their friends and admit they backed a loser? Okay, there are times I backed the loser, but did I admit it? No, I did what every republican presidential candidate would do, I lied.


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