Month: September 2012
Looper Movie Review
Looper is an amazing movie. Though you have to see the first one to make much sense of it, newcomers will be pleasantly surprised as well. Looper is set in a fantastic world filled with trees and blue people. These…
Gwen Stefani’s Belly Button Demands More Money
LOS ANGELES – According to TMZ, Gwen Stefani’s belly button has started intense negotiations with the singer in an attempt to receive more compensation. Despite doing absolutely nothing except being attached to Stefani’s body, the belly button (which is asking…
Burger King, Dairy Queen Conclude Royal Tour of Man’s Intestines
FORT WAYNE – The ruling monarchs of the fast food industry, Burger King and Dairy Queen, concluded their recent tour of local man Patrick McMillan’s small intestine Thursday, ending a successful domestic engagement. The Royals were also treated to a…
Victory a Result of Man Shouting ‘Go Colts’ at TV
INDIANAPOLIS – The Indianapolis Colts secured a hard-earned victory against the Minnesota Vikings on Week 2 of the new NFL season Sunday, attributing their victory to local man Justin Thacker, who persistently yelled “go Colts” at his television screen throughout…
Romney Sucked Out of Airplane Window
Claiming he felt ‘stuffy and cramped’ GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney smashed open a window aboard a 727 jet aircraft as the plane was flying 500 MPH at 30,000 feet and he was immediately sucked out into space. “We told…
Pakistani Jazz Band ‘Cock Disturbance’ Jailed for Blasphemy
ISLAMABAD – Pakistani police have arrested all four members of an Islamabad based jazz band named Cock Disturbance for blasphemy. The group was arrested after performing an impromptu concert in a mosque where they called for the resignation of Pakistani…
A Devoted Christian on Marriage, Family, & Homosexuality, where the Conservatives and Liberals Can Meet
I’ve been working in the field of Genetics and Bioinformatics for many years now. What I’ve been taught most of my life is that homosexuality is an innate condition that people are born with. The genetics of this is very complicated so I will simplify. For example:
Hoffa Digs Romney
The search for Jimmy Hoffa has uncovered the unexpected. Shreds of paper found embedded within core samples of earth removed from beneath the concrete driveway of a suburban Detroit home where Hoffa reportedly lie buried appear to be the missing…
All 15 Fans of Hockey Lament over Lockout
NEW YORK- The NHL lockout, well within its second week, has left most sports fans uninterrupted, except for the few that consider themselves a fan of hockey. Although sources indicate that hockey is popular in other countries, it has never…
Regular NFL Refs Die From Shock After Being Cheered
Baltimore, MD – NFL players, coaches, and fans were stunned when all seven officials died from apparent shock after receiving a standing ovation and roaring cheers for returning to their first game after a four month long lockout. The chaos…