Regular NFL Refs Die From Shock After Being Cheered

Baltimore, MD – NFL players, coaches, and fans were stunned when all seven officials died from apparent shock after receiving a standing ovation and roaring cheers for returning to their first game after a four month long lockout.

The chaos erupted the moment the first two officials stepped on the field. As the crowd roared, the two officials could be seen looking at each other with stunned expressions before collapsing on the field and convulsing uncontrollably for what appeared to be 40 seconds according to a game clock.

RIGHT: It was all fun and games until the refs realized they were appreciated. (CLICK TO ENLARGE)

The scene continued as the other five officials walked onto the field to the song “Back in Black.” The five officials appeared to laugh at the two dead officials thinking it was some kind of a “back to work” joke, however, as they realized the crowd was cheering their arrival, they too collapsed, clutching their chests and attempting to blow their whistles to no avail.

One official who was able to speak for a very short period before dying told a nearby reporter that he has “never once” in his entire career been “cheered” and first thought the crowd had invented a “new kind of boo.”

Unfortunately, due to these developments the NFL has decided to postpone the return of regular officials and will reinstate the backup officials until further notice.

Author: Mark Garrison

Mark Garrison is both a loving husband, a devoted father, and a steadfast rebel when it comes to the word "both." His work has appeared in Opium Magazine, Monkeybicycle, and many other places with interesting names.

1 thought on “Regular NFL Refs Die From Shock After Being Cheered

  1. There was an eye doctor that offered free Lasik to the scab refs, because, ya know, they obviously can’t see. Don’t know what good it would do with their heads so far up their asses.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? USE THIS COMMENTS SECTION TO PUT THE WORLD TO RIGHTS...