Month: August 2012
History’s Largest Manhunt Over, Waldo Dead
Aden- The largest manhunt in the war on terror finally comes to a close. Waldo, a.k.a. Wally, Veli, or Al’ Shabaz Mussa Shadif was an American citizen who notably sympathized with Al Quaeda insurgency groups and became an intellectual leader…
Romney: Screw It, I’ll Give $300k to Everyone Who Votes for Me
WASHINGTON D.C. – In an effort to win over the average working American, presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney has vowed to give away his entire wealth to the American people, declaring: “enough with politics: I’ll give three million freaking…
Nation’s Debt Crisis Solved – No Need to Thank Me
Here’s a number that might scare you: $14,132,959,955,340. That’s 14 trillion dollars, give or take a few hundred billion. That’s the current estimate of our national debt according to the OMB (Office of Management and Budget). Here’s a slightly smaller…
Man Justifies Having Two Facebook Profiles
Documents leaked to Glossy News have revealed that a man, only being identified as Man P, for data privacy reasons, has not one, but two Facebook profiles. It is unclear how this may have happened, but early examination of the…
Florida AG Pam Bondi’s Long Beautiful Hair
TAMPA – Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi speaks before the Republican National Convention this week on the subject of a whisper campaign. Will she or won’t she? Known for her gleaming blonde hair and barback good looks, the rumor is…
New Karl Rove Infomercial: “Weaseling Your Way To Success”
Greetings fellow Americans – Are you one of the downtrodden ones who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of the bad luck…
Huckabee Asks RNC Organizers if He Can Bring His Bass
TAMPA, FL – Gearing up to play a memorable part in the 2012 Republican National Convention this week, former Arkansas Governor and presidential campaigner Mike Huckabee has asked RNC organizers if it would be okay for him to bring along…
Paul Ryan Something of An O.G.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin- Recently, news surfaced that Paul Ryan’s college sweet heart was black, but what media outlets don’t know is that Paul Ryan was O.G. The term, O.G., is an abbreviation for original gangster, a term used by hip hop…
Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan
New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up. New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference…
Man Awakes from Coma; Wonders Where All His MySpace Friends Are
After spending 6 years in a comatose condition stemming from a bizarre bungee jumping accident during an otherwise raucous and spirited Spring break in Cancun, local man Bryce Peters, now 27, has incredibly regained consciousness. Doctors always remained hopeful of…