Posted in Society

PETA Launches Jackass Campaign

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) announced this week an ambitious new initiative aimed at changing the way people perceive mules. The program was announced by PETA spokesperson Barb Arians in an emotional, sometimes acrimonious press conference. “This…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! PETA Launches Jackass Campaign
Posted in Crime

Grandma Foils Would-Be Carjacker with Bag of Doggie Doo

Cecelia (Cece) Hudson is being hailed as one tough grandma this morning after reports of an attempted hijacking of her precious 1994 Honda Accord met with dismal failure. Due to her quick thinking and a conveniently placed bag of fresh…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Grandma Foils Would-Be Carjacker with Bag of Doggie Doo
Posted in Politics Sportsfolk

Elway-Manning for America 2012

Area man Peyton Manning had just gotten laid off from work. Within 48 hours, he knew what he had to do. He hopped on a plane and headed to Denver. John Elway, Broncos exec, was waiting for him. “Sorry about…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Elway-Manning for America 2012
Posted in Politics

VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked

ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked
Posted in Politics

Gingrich Charged With Felonious Photoshopping

WASHINGTON DC –GlossyNews Newt Gingrich, politician and part-time front runner in the GOPTea™ presidential race, has been charged with “the gravest, most evil transgression that humanity has ever been subjected to.” An activist group claims Mr. Gingrich has been illegally…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gingrich Charged With Felonious Photoshopping
Posted in Human Interest

Newly Discovered Da Vinci Masterpiece Stirs Controversy

Among connoisseurs of great art, the giants who are known by a single name comprise a very short list. We have Raphael, Rembrandt, Picasso, Michelangelo, and of course [Thomas] Kinkade. But perhaps none of these can compare with the magic…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Newly Discovered Da Vinci Masterpiece Stirs Controversy
Posted in Religionism

Pat Robertson Puts Hit on Manning

Pat Robertson put a cosmic bounty on quarterback Peyton Manning, damning him to be injured this season as retribution for the Denver Broncos getting rid of Tim Tebow. “Hey, The Saints had the same system. Never second-guess a saint,” said…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pat Robertson Puts Hit on Manning
Posted in Biz News

Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly

Another chapter in the long history of unintended consequences was written this week, as two former child stars found themselves in the no longer adoring media spotlight. By all accounts, things began innocently enough at the Aaron Burr High School…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly
Posted in Education

Discrimination 101 Being Taught in Georgia Schools

While education money is tight right now all across America, parents in the State of Georgia needn’t worry. By combining math with any number of other subjects, some cash-strapped Georgia teachers are finally able to stretch those education dollars and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Discrimination 101 Being Taught in Georgia Schools
Posted in Sports

Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism

DENVER, Colorado – “There is more than one God,” Tim Tebow said in awe after watching Peyton Manning complete yet another pass in practice. “There’s just no other explanation.” The Broncos’ ex-quarterback, known less for his passing skills than for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Manning Joins Broncos, Tebow Converts to Paganism
Posted in Biz News Politics

90 Percent of Nation’s Richest 10 Percent Support “We Are The 99 Percent” Economic Protest

NEW YORK – Some of the nation’s wealthiest citizens are expressing their support for the “We Are The 99 Percent” campaign, which has arisen from the economic protests taking place in New York’s Zuccotti Park and in other cities across…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 90 Percent of Nation’s Richest 10 Percent Support “We Are The 99 Percent” Economic Protest
Posted in Politics

Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters

GOPTEA™ CAMPAIGN TRAIL —GlossyNews Listening to Rick Santorum speak is like listening to him arguing with himself. He keeps arguing and arguing until he realizes he has won. Then he smiles a cheshire cat smile of a grin, and makes…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Santorum gets suicidal over teleprompters
Posted in Human Interest

Poor Can No Longer Protect Rich From Harsh Realities Of Life

Tragedy has hit the upper levels of our society today as the economic crisis has caused many of the rich to lose their cushion of poor people that have previously protected them from having to experience the basics of life….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Poor Can No Longer Protect Rich From Harsh Realities Of Life
Posted in Human Interest

Local Woman Moves Out of Her Comfort Zone and Into a Condo

Local woman, Margaret McDillon, has been moved out of the house on Elm Street that she called home for 57 years and into a condo on Main Street. “Oh, there are so many new things I’ll have to get used…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Local Woman Moves Out of Her Comfort Zone and Into a Condo
Posted in Education

The Prosperity Preschool

About this time last year, I found myself confronted with a daunting task: enrolling my son in a preschool. As all American parents know, it’s a choice upon which a child’s entire future can hinge, and requires diligence, focus, and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Prosperity Preschool
Posted in Top Stories

The Righteous Make Sure Message of Hate Not Lost on Disaster Victims

Andy Wass stands in a rubble pile that was recently his living room and makes stabbing motions at the sky with the pink flyer he holds in his work gloved hand. Andy is laughing. “Says here ‘God punishes Fag Lovers.’…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Righteous Make Sure Message of Hate Not Lost on Disaster Victims
Posted in Society

Milwaukee Man Loses His Beer, Will to Live

Spotted on the snow dusted roof of his modest ranch style home, Otto Franks, south side Milwaukee auto mechanic and reportedly stable and friendly man by all neighbor accounts, had threatened to jump to his death after forgetting the location of a freshly opened beer.

Police were eventually able to talk the man down, but only after offering him a Stella Artois and guaranteeing the bottle temperature to be a crisp 34 degrees Fahrenheit.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Milwaukee Man Loses His Beer, Will to Live
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Roy Blunt Talks Hoes Not Women on International Women’s Day

Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo) chose International Women’s Day to talk about hoes. Here’s how he chose to honor March 8, 2012 on Twitter: Today is Natl Agriculture Day. Hope you’ll join me to recognize the vital benefits agriculture plays in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Roy Blunt Talks Hoes Not Women on International Women’s Day
Posted in Politics Religionism

Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured

MCLEAN, VA —GlossyNews The recently announced “early departure” of a 43-year-old right wing political activist and blogger has brought to the forefront an investigation into a viral GOPTea™ campaign that has begun figuratively taking down some big players: Bachmann, Cain,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Former GOP Candidates May Have Been Raptured
Posted in Politics Television

GOP Hopefuls Woo Gilligan’s Island Caucus

When the Republican primary race began in January 2009, few could have imagined the many twists and turns that lay ahead. So perhaps it is fitting that residents of a small Pacific island will have a disproportionate voice in choosing…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! GOP Hopefuls Woo Gilligan’s Island Caucus
Posted in Top Stories Travel

Cruise Lines End Affirmative Action

In the wake of several recent misadventures, it was announced today all major cruise lines will end their affirmative action programs, effective immediately. Leisure industry analysts say some response was expected, but the move may be too late to reduce…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cruise Lines End Affirmative Action
Posted in Technology

Google’s Latest Translation Device Helps Families Communicate

When you think of Google, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? For millions of Americans, it’s the fact that they didn’t listen to investment advice back in 2004 to buy 500 shares at $45. But the second thing…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Google’s Latest Translation Device Helps Families Communicate
Posted in World News

Sweden says Don’t say Boy

Sweden’s Director of Pre-school Schools announced this week a revolutionary new program for Americans to laugh at. Dr. Sven Frrrdegard spoke to reporters at Stockholm’s Ministry for Education. “As the world’s only industrialized nation not headed for bankruptcy, we Swedes…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sweden says Don’t say Boy
Posted in Health Human Interest

Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America

A ban on all depilatory creams in America has aging women scrambling to find alternatives for getting rid of unsightly hair on their chins and necks. Pharmacies are finding it hard to keep tweezers and magnified mirrors in stock. “It’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tweezers and Magnified Mirrors Selling Fast as Depilatory Cream Ban Hits America