ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers to speculate whether unholy bargains have been made down at the Crossroads.
Youthful GOPTea™ Party icon Rand Paul has refused to discuss his willingness or availability for the VP slot on a Romney ticket. The junior Senator from Kentucky is equally reticent about his possible 2016 White House aspirations.
We decided now was the time to put Mitt on the spot about these swirling rumors.
“Governor Romney, for the record, is it true that you and Ron Paul have a secret shared ambition to bring Rand Paul into your inner sanctum and propose asking him to be your VP?”
“This is the political equivalent of locker room talk,” began Romney. “I’m in a race for the Presidential nomination here in an election very important to our nation’s future. The muckety-mucks of the GOPTea™ Party would like me to get distracted by this kind of thing, but I won’t.”
“But Governor Romney, it’s being said Paul supporters are still working zealously for their candidate, when everyone else notices Ron Paul has never made a negative statement about your campaign. Are these assumptions correct sir? How will Paul delegates react to such a bait & switch of historic proportions?”
A slightly flustered and impatient Mitt answered. “You’re getting the horse before the cart there my friend. Should I win the nomination, it will be due to my being the most severe Conservative in the race. Young Rand might make a great addition to the ticket, and honestly? I think most Paul delegates would think he was Ron Paul. They’re not that observant.”
“We know that Middle America is where the vote is; nothing new there. It is full of some very paranoid folk who watch FOX and are misinformed about everything. They don’t simply give their votes away willy-nilly you know. I had to eat grits last week, can you imagine? So yes, I would welcome Rand Paul to my campaign. But nothing’s been decided; no deal has been made.”
So we asked: “If it comes to this theoretically, that you accept the dad’s delegates for the innocuous act of placing the son on your ticket, would you do it?”
Romney glared unnaturally, seemingly almost on the verge of spontaneity. “Of course I would be proud to accept his supporters who don’t happen to like Israel and have no interest in bombing Iran. They are allowed to have their opinion. It’s a free country if I remember right. I just really need and do want to be President.”