Month: June 2010
Mix-up in Hell Has Satan Sending More than One Anti-Christ to Earth
HOLLISTER, California (GLossyNews) — Satan is said to be madder than hell at his minions this week after he learned that more than one, and possibly as many as eight Anti-Christs have been unleashed upon the Earth during the past…
Sen. Byrd’s Death Ruled Bizarre Act of Self Mutilation
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — West Virginia Sen. Robert Carlyle Byrd, the longest-serving member of Congress and the self-educated son of a coal miner, died Monday at age 92. Byrd was born Cornelius Calvin Sale Jr. on November 20, 1917, in…
Tragedy Blamed on Mistaken Identity
TORONTO, Ontario (GlossyNews) RCMP District Superintendent Dudley Pemberton spoke to reporters today in the wake of what’s being called ‘the Toronto atrocity.’ “First, I want to say we tried to do right. All of you who snidely imply otherwise, you…
Palin Stops Short of Referring to Self as Martyr (Barely)
TURLOCK, Calif. (GlossyNews) — In yet another controversial appearance of Sarah Palin, this time at the California State University, Stanislaus campus, Sarah complained of how her message is being met with the same controversy over and over–that she is undeserving…
Angry Customer returns I-Phone
CORNUCOPIA, California (GlossyNews) — Tech stocks are expected to open sharply lower tomorrow in reaction to the disturbing news from England. While it initially seemed Apple’s latest version of the I-phone was another unqualified triumph, hopes are now quickly fading….
Miley Cyrus Posts Topless Photos
HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — Tween idol Miley Cyrus has once again shocked and baffled her fans and detractors this morning by allowing even more shocking and revealing pictures to be posted to the internet. Some of the pictures are obviously…
BP Creates Culinary Division to Sell Turtle Meat
CHALMETTE, Louisiana (GlossyNews) — Add abysmal stock prices to the $20 billion escrow fund and BP’s existing $2.35 billion clean up tab, and you begin to realize how quickly deep pockets grow shallow. The Deep Horizon oil spill in the…
Miley Cyrus Keynote Speaker at Exhibitionists’ Convention
SAN FRANCISCO, Kalifornia (GlossyNews) — Underage puddy cat queen, Miley Cyrus, who stunned her ‘tween fans by climbing out of a convertible in front of hundreds of paparazzi wearing a skin-tight mini dress with no underwear, is keynote speaker at…
Catholic Church Finds Innocent Priest, Excommunicates Him
CASTRO STREET, San Fransisco, CA (GlossyNews) — The Catholic Church revealed Saturday morning that they had found one priest in Renton, Washington, whom, they say, has never committed any act of abuse or possibly any sin during his tenure as…
Teenager Asked for ID to Buy Whipped Cream
ATLANTA, Ga. (GlossyNews) — When a new product comes to market, it doesn’t take long for the younger crowd to scope it out and try to scoop it up, especially when that new product contains alcohol. Such is the case…