HOLLISTER, California (GLossyNews) — Satan is said to be madder than hell at his minions this week after he learned that more than one, and possibly as many as eight Anti-Christs have been unleashed upon the Earth during the past century.
Harry Scarem, a demonologist from California was able to ascertain this after a particularly grueling satanic ritual over the weekend wherein Satan personally appeared for a few moments to explain the error. Said Satan, “I would have sent one of my minions, but they are all idiots.”
When Scarem asked Satan what he was talking about, Satan explained “I just got finished going over the book of judgments and damned if someone forgot to put a checkmark next to Adolph Hitler’s name after we gave him the 666 tattoo. The mistakes kept being made. A tattoo was given, the mark was set, but no checkmark was put next to the name. As best I can ascertain, we’ve given the tattoo now to about five people that we can positively identify, those being Hitler, of course, Charles Manson, Dick Cheney, Pol Pot and Pauly Shore,” he said, explaining that he wasn’t even sure why Pauly Shore was on the list but it can’t be taken back once it’s declared.
While Pol Pot and Hitler are dead, that still leaves Manson, Cheney and Shore to watch out for. But the bad news is that there may be at least three more people on the short list who were accidentally given the tattoo and sent to Earth as Anti-Christs.
Satan was asked if Kim Jong Il may have been one of the other three and although he couldn’t confirm it, he certainly didn’t deny it either. “Let’s just say that Kim meets all the requirements of being an Anti-Christ, so I wouldn’t rule him out.”
“This was a big fuc*ing screw up, I know,” said Satan, “and I’m prepared to take full responsibility for it.”
Meanwhile, word has been leaked to the Christians about this and they are none too pleased about the news. “Jesus, Lord have mercy,” said Paul Thornton, Pastor over at Christ Almighty’s Sacred Splendor Worship Hall. “This just ain’t good news at this late hour. All we’ve got, as far as I know is one Savior and he isn’t even due to come to earth yet for at least another year or so. How the hell are we going to find more Saviors at this late hour to do battle with multiple Anti-Christs?” he said as he sat wringing his hands in despair.