SAN FRANCISCO, Kalifornia (GlossyNews) — Underage puddy cat queen, Miley Cyrus, who stunned her ‘tween fans by climbing out of a convertible in front of hundreds of paparazzi wearing a skin-tight mini dress with no underwear, is keynote speaker at this years Flasher’s convention and Flash-in held in a seedy park near downtown L.A.
“She looked like the right fit, so to speak,” said the convention organizer, known as Trenchcoat Teddy. “I knew she had the right stuff as soon as I saw her swinging that right leg in the air. It was clumsy, yes, but she’s still young and there’s lot’s of untapped talent there. The important thing is everyone got a full view. Another conventioneer, 60-year-old alcoholic Laura O’ Lickamee, praised the new generation of flashers of which Cyrus represents. “I tell you somethin.’ I seen that girls spleen when she got outta that car. Now them kids got all those electronic gizmos and can flash the whole damn world if they please. Back in my day…” She drifted off.
Tawdry Soup was curious how a young lady could pile 17,000 dollars worth of hair extensions on her head, put on a see-through dress, allegedly without panties underneath, pull up in front of today’s Paparazzi machine, climb out of the car, display her coochie, and not be arrested for indecent exposure. “Well, its like this Tawdry,” said the LA detective who works in the sex crime unit. “If our DA knew I arrested the biggest money making machine in Hollywood backed by the most powerful media machine in the world, he would have me fired. Not because I did anything wrong, but because the Disney lawyers would put us under the ground with their money. It’s not murder after all. But she could probably get away with that, too.”
As the Flasher Convention audience assembled in the litter-filled park, the crowd was ringed by a loose group of wobbling winos and gawkers. Miss Cyrus began lip-syncing her pre-recorded speech through a turned off microphone:
“Ladies and Gentleman: What I see from here, and boy do I have a view, is a bunch of people who prefer to let the wind blow through their taints rather than havin’ em tied up in a cumbersome cloak of cotton or nylon. Whether you’re free ballin’ or free muffin, it don’t matter, everyone should have the right to go commando, especially if it makes everyone talk about you rather than that dirty oil spill or stupid Obama. I say who cares about that oil spill when you got a pussy or a nut sack to flash! Now come on everybody, FLASH!”
“Ok everybody,” lip-synced Cyrus on cue, “now get out there and show the world what you’re made of! And don‘t forget to watch my TV special where you will see a skanky no-talent ho clumsily dance around on stage like a lonely 16 year old fat ass. If you’re lucky, you might get to see theeeeeezzzz.“ She placed a hand on each side of her boobs and squeezed, making them look like they were going to pop through the top of her see-through blouse.
As she exited the stage, several on-duty uniformed policemen, who witnessed the entire incident, gingerly helped her into her limousine. Then they walked into the audience, began busting heads, and arresting all the participants for indecent exposure.