Month: April 2010
White Janitor at Alabama State Home Protests Obamacare
A white janitor working in the Alabama State Home for the Mentally Infirm is furious about the new law approved by Congress to give all Americans access to health care. “We dun had enough of this danged cooned-ass President trying…
Michael Savage is Really a Little Dick
Jacksonville, Ms (GlossyNews) — The fans of right wing talk show host Michael Savage are leaving him in droves upon learning that he is not really ‘Savage’ but actually a wienie. It was revealed today that his real name is…
Republicans to Boycott Health Care – Turn to Self-Medication
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — In response to the ass-trouncing recently inflicted by the Democrats over the Republicans over the hotly debated health care reform bill, Republicans in all levels of government held a press conferences early today in which they…
Al Qaeda Dusts Off the Usama Bin Laden Doll for Another Video
Cave Town, Pakistan (GlossyNews) — Al Queda has brought their ‘El Cid’ out into the fresh air again to renew belief in their cause and to yank the West’s chain. According to news sources Usama bin Laden has made a…
East Texas Couple Kidnaps Baby for Facebook Pictures
Last week, a childless couple in East Texas kidnapped a baby so they could post baby pictures on Facebook. The couple, envious of their friends who are constantly posting pictures of their children on Facebook, grabbed a baby from the…
Tough Love Forces Florida Man Back to Crime (on TV)
State Road 19, Near Tavares, Fla (GlossyNews) — Local man, Hank Fuller, arrived home last Wednesday and noticed something amiss. As he entered the house he could see his friends, family and at least one priest sitting in every available…
Economy Forces Downsizing of Solar System
The mood was somber at Oxford’s esteemed Council on Planetary Stuff this week as yet another solar system down-sizing was announced. CPS Director Percy Hyde-Warf opened the press conference with a display of his famed wit. “I know you reporter…
Check Out This Guy’s Birth Certificate
On a Private Island in the Pacific (GlossyNews) — There is a man whose birth certificate should be given a lot of scrutiny. No, he is not Obama. This guy is whiter than Wonder Bread. He has done more to…
Romney Cooks Up New Image for 2012
CHICAGO, IL (GlossyNews) — During an interview in a Chicago bus station on Wednesday, Mitt Romney said, “I think that one of the things that’s very important in running a successful presidential campaign is to make sure that voters can…
Banks Foreclose on Hell — Satan Moves to Scientology Headquarters
Sarasota, Fla (GlossyNews) — Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated…