Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir

Odessa, TX (GlossyNews) — Larry Kones, known as the Second Dumbest Man on Earth, has completed the memoir of the presidency of George W. Bush hitting the discount bins at bookstores nationwide on November 9. Ghost writer Kones was chosen from a pool of candidates known for their breathtaking lack of intelligence. A few of the runners-up were a worm, a piece of corn, a glass of water and a pickle. But Kones won out because of his impressive resume that includes lengthy stints as a hanger untangler for Goodwill, skyhook operator, professional snipe wrangler and his efficient “hunt and peck” typing style. Read more Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir

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Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha

Dallas, TX (GlossyNews) — A new exercise craze is sweeping America by storm. It’s not Pilates, it’s not aerobics, or any number of other workout routines on the market these days. This one is based on getting up on your feet, driving the mini-van to the nearest supermarket, and cha-cha-ing your way around the store.

It’s called “Cha-Cha-Ping” and all you need is a shopping cart, a sense of rhythm and a desire to shed pounds in a short period of time. Trish Fandeu actually stumbled upon the exercise quite by accident. Read more Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha

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Arizona Gold Strike Rumored

Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with facts. Business purchasing is a leading indicator of economic revival. With all these copier and printer orders, it looks like Arizona is poised for something really big.”

Such growth would be welcome news for the beleaguered desert state, among the hardest hit by the real estate crash and now embroiled in an immigration controversy. Read more Arizona Gold Strike Rumored

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Native Americans in Arizona Vow to Deport All Non-Native Americans

Navajo Nation – The Navajo, Hopi, all Apache Nations and all other Native Americans who presently reside in Arizona have joined forces in an effort to show the haughty Arizona residents just exactly who has every right to be in that State.

Said Chief Standing Wolf, “it is not those of European decent who should be making the laws of this state, but we, the tribal people, who have been suppressed for too long. Read more Native Americans in Arizona Vow to Deport All Non-Native Americans

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Former Hollister Co. Executive Shot Dead by Arizona Police

NOGALES, AZ (GlossyNews) — The Southern California headquarters of Abercrombie & Fitch, which owns the Hollister brand, issued a statement today confirming the death of a controversial former executive.

Hugh Humbert-Lardwick, a regional vice president from the United Kingdom, made headlines earlier this year after leading a group of unwitting British employees to Hollister, California, where they suffered a harrowing two-day ordeal. Read more Former Hollister Co. Executive Shot Dead by Arizona Police

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Comedy Central Censors Own Press Release About South Park Censoring

Dothan, Al (GlossyNews) — After a week of controversy surrounding the censorship of an episode of the animated series South Park for mentioning the Prophet Muhammad, Comedy Central announced today it would also be censoring it’s own press release on the subject.  A spokesman for Comedy Central said they received another veiled threat from the Islamic group Revolution Muslim about the press release because it had, just like the show, referenced the prophet by name.
 
Comedy Central responded to the threat by re-releasing the original press release with all the sections referring to Muhammad redacted. Executives at Comedy Central say they were doing what they felt was in the best interest of their employees safety. Read more Comedy Central Censors Own Press Release About South Park Censoring
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