Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir

Odessa, TX (GlossyNews) — Larry Kones, known as the Second Dumbest Man on Earth, has completed the memoir of the presidency of George W. Bush hitting the discount bins at bookstores nationwide on November 9. Ghost writer Kones was chosen…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir
Posted in Health

Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha

Dallas, TX (GlossyNews) — A new exercise craze is sweeping America by storm. It’s not Pilates, it’s not aerobics, or any number of other workout routines on the market these days. This one is based on getting up on your…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha
Posted in Society

Arizona Gold Strike Rumored

Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Arizona Gold Strike Rumored
Posted in Making Headlines

Elmer Fudd Named New Conservative Spokesperson

Who else can totally get away with referring to Republicans as the ‘White Wing?’

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Elmer Fudd Named New Conservative Spokesperson
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Native Americans in Arizona Vow to Deport All Non-Native Americans

Navajo Nation – The Navajo, Hopi, all Apache Nations and all other Native Americans who presently reside in Arizona have joined forces in an effort to show the haughty Arizona residents just exactly who has every right to be in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Native Americans in Arizona Vow to Deport All Non-Native Americans
Posted in Biz News Politics

Former Hollister Co. Executive Shot Dead by Arizona Police

NOGALES, AZ (GlossyNews) — The Southern California headquarters of Abercrombie & Fitch, which owns the Hollister brand, issued a statement today confirming the death of a controversial former executive. Hugh Humbert-Lardwick, a regional vice president from the United Kingdom, made…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Former Hollister Co. Executive Shot Dead by Arizona Police
Posted in Television

Comedy Central Censors Own Press Release About South Park Censoring

Dothan, Al (GlossyNews) — After a week of controversy surrounding the censorship of an episode of the animated series South Park for mentioning the Prophet Muhammad, Comedy Central announced today it would also be censoring it’s own press release on the subject.  A spokesman for…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Comedy Central Censors Own Press Release About South Park Censoring
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite

New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) –A male bonding imbroglio has landed two fraternity boys in the clink for attacking a transvestite who stopped to ask them directions. According to local Transvestite, Katrina Sapphire, it went down like this: “Girl-I was jus…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite
Posted in Biz News

Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats

New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Kim Kardashian Opts for Butt Lift after Butt Pad Malfunctions

Sydney, Australia – An embarrassed Kim Kardashian was in tears last week due to a major malfunction of one of the silicone butt pads she was wearing. She reportedly was so embarrassed by the occurrence that she has scheduled a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Kim Kardashian Opts for Butt Lift after Butt Pad Malfunctions
Posted in Society

Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America

Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Fortune Magazine Names Hollister, California Most Gullible City in America

New York, NY – This dubious recognition came on the heels of a story which appeared on the Glossy News website in February 2010, see here, wherein Hollister, California was depicted as a creepy town by executives of a British…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fortune Magazine Names Hollister, California Most Gullible City in America
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances

Reading, PA (GlossyNews) – Never one to fret about where her next paycheck is coming from what with all her new-found skills and all, Kate Gosselin has put her recent professional dancing skills to use at the local Sheetahs Club…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Libraries to Start Charging for Books

Bangor, ME (GlossyNews) — The Association for Library Associations’ director June Cleaver spoke to reporters this week to unveil a new library management scheme. Ms. Cleaver, resplendent in pearls and a powder blue dress, was upbeat on ALA’s new business…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Libraries to Start Charging for Books
Posted in Making Headlines The Rest

Huffington Post Honors Rush Limbaugh

with Mother of the Year award.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Huffington Post Honors Rush Limbaugh
Posted in Religionism

God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert

Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“ In an…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Television

Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Status Update: Brian White Rejected from Harvard

[Ed Note: This story was originally run on Monday April 12, but we inadvertently left out all of the nouns.] Boston, Mass (GlossyNews) In sad and disappointing news this morning, Glossy News publisher Brian White was informed by officials at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Status Update: Brian White Rejected from Harvard
Posted in Religionism

Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure

Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Television

Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway

New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway