Month: April 2010
Second Dumbest Man on Earth Ghost Writes Bush Memoir
Odessa, TX (GlossyNews) — Larry Kones, known as the Second Dumbest Man on Earth, has completed the memoir of the presidency of George W. Bush hitting the discount bins at bookstores nationwide on November 9. Ghost writer Kones was chosen…
Woman Sheds 42 Pounds Doing Shopping Cart Cha-Cha
Dallas, TX (GlossyNews) — A new exercise craze is sweeping America by storm. It’s not Pilates, it’s not aerobics, or any number of other workout routines on the market these days. This one is based on getting up on your…
Arizona Gold Strike Rumored
Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with…
Elmer Fudd Named New Conservative Spokesperson
Who else can totally get away with referring to Republicans as the ‘White Wing?’
Native Americans in Arizona Vow to Deport All Non-Native Americans
Navajo Nation – The Navajo, Hopi, all Apache Nations and all other Native Americans who presently reside in Arizona have joined forces in an effort to show the haughty Arizona residents just exactly who has every right to be in…
Former Hollister Co. Executive Shot Dead by Arizona Police
NOGALES, AZ (GlossyNews) — The Southern California headquarters of Abercrombie & Fitch, which owns the Hollister brand, issued a statement today confirming the death of a controversial former executive. Hugh Humbert-Lardwick, a regional vice president from the United Kingdom, made…
Comedy Central Censors Own Press Release About South Park Censoring
Dothan, Al (GlossyNews) — After a week of controversy surrounding the censorship of an episode of the animated series South Park for mentioning the Prophet Muhammad, Comedy Central announced today it would also be censoring it’s own press release on the subject. A spokesman for…
Male Bonding Imbroglio Leads to Tragic Tussle with Transvestite
New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) –A male bonding imbroglio has landed two fraternity boys in the clink for attacking a transvestite who stopped to ask them directions. According to local Transvestite, Katrina Sapphire, it went down like this: “Girl-I was jus…
Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats
New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every…
Kim Kardashian Opts for Butt Lift after Butt Pad Malfunctions
Sydney, Australia – An embarrassed Kim Kardashian was in tears last week due to a major malfunction of one of the silicone butt pads she was wearing. She reportedly was so embarrassed by the occurrence that she has scheduled a…