Odessa, TX (GlossyNews) — Larry Kones, known as the Second Dumbest Man on Earth, has completed the memoir of the presidency of George W. Bush hitting the discount bins at bookstores nationwide on November 9. Ghost writer Kones was chosen from a pool of candidates known for their breathtaking lack of intelligence. A few of the runners-up were a worm, a piece of corn, a glass of water and a pickle. But Kones won out because of his impressive resume that includes lengthy stints as a hanger untangler for Goodwill, skyhook operator, professional snipe wrangler and his efficient “hunt and peck” typing style.
After completing the project, Mr. Kones was paid handsomely in wooden nickels and is now living in seclusion in a culvert somewhere in Texas. But the editor at Crown publishing, Loretta Pipkin, who was assigned, according to Pipkin, this “total piece of unworkable crap,” has removed herself from the book publishing world forever, calling the book, “a sham and a farce.” She goes on to say, “asking people to read a memoir about G. W. Bush is like asking them to take everything they learned in grammar school and throw it in the garbage. Somehow I pasted together a book written by the second dumbest man in the world about the dumbest man in the world. It was ridiculous. We had to go back and structure it into only 12 points just so we could make some kind of sense out of it. We’ve got talented writers sending us thoughtful well-structured work every day. But Crown Publishing churns out something only the third dumbest man on earth would look at because it‘s got a picture of his hero on the front. To make it more bizarre,the book is promoted to a target market that doesn’t even read. How about that?”
On Monday, G. W. Bush was reached at his palatial Dallas home that was built with the arms, legs and teeth of Iraqi civilians and American soldiers. He giggled like a delighted one-year old then offered this out of the blue: “hee heee hee heee heee. While me an Boney Koney were working on the book, Laura and some other old Republican hides made a quilt out of a bunch of Iraqi nut sacks we saved from the war. That ain’t my bag, so to speak, hee hee hee heee hee, but they raffled it off to raise some money for the Palin campaign, so it went to a good cause. Don’t forget to mention 9/11 after my name. That baby’s still mine. Gotta go, it’s baftime.”
Crown publishing had no comment when contacted by phone late Monday.