Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats

New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every part of the building and the pores of some of the top executives.

After almost six months of investigating, The New York and New Jersey health departments cannot pinpoint the source of the nauseating smell, but the search has narrowed to the top few floors of the Goldman Sachs buildings where the smell is so strong it’s beginning to eat the paint from the walls.

“It’s weird, but I don’t smell it” said an aide to top Goldman exec Lloyd Blankfein, looking at several dead pigeons outside his top floor window. Our lawyers and analysts believe it’s some kind of hysteria coming from an imaginary condition where people get envious of success and create a mental aversion to it. We have formulated a new kind of derivative designed to take advantage of the situation. It’s basically betting that the real estate around our building will become worthless as we bring in tons of money and supposedly stink to high heaven in the process.”

A former White House aid who currently works in the neighborhood recalls, “I first smelled that smell in the last days of the Bush White House every time Hank Paulson would enter the room. I ain’t lying when I say Hank Paulson could have knocked a buzzard off a shit wagon. Now every time those guys at Goldman start handing out those big paychecks, you better cover your nose and mouth when you walk by there, or you‘ll be gagging, let me tell you.”

Author: TawdrySoup.Com

I am a satire writer from the middle of nowhere. My work appears all over the internet. Please visit my website www.tawdrysoup.com where we give away millions of dollars every day! CHEERS!

1 thought on “Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats

  1. As Jimmy Paige once wrote – or was it Robert Plant? – “It makes me wonder”. I wonder what defect it is in the psychological makeup of a group of human beings that would have them putting the health and well being of millions of other human beings behind the private profit of a very few. Most of these lawmakers who live in the pockets of the Plutocracy call themselves “Christians”. Have they ever made a serious study of the books? You know! – Matthew, Mark, Luke and John? – Those guys! How do they justify their actions? How do they sleep at night? We’re talkin’ major hypocrisy here! That’s what makes them so much fun to watch! I always get a certain twisted delight in watching their fake piety. Imagine Wendy O. Williams being cast as Bernadette of Lourdes; or Marilyn Manson as Mahatma Gandhi. It’s kind of the same thing.

    Sooner or later our right wing friends, within the Congress and without, are going to be forced to admit that the era of anything goes deregulation was a really stupid idea. You can only sit calmly in a burning house, ignoring the flames all about you, for just so long. Sooner or later you’ll be forced to flee for your life. After making your escape, if you still refuse to acknowledge that the house is indeed on fire, you’re beyond the point where you can make rational decisions on your own. You’ve entered Librium Country, hombre!

    http://www.tomdegan.blogspot.com

    Tom Degan

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