Posted in Making Headlines

Offending Volcano In Iceland Ignored By US Media Because No One Can Pronounce Its Name

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Offending Volcano In Iceland Ignored By US Media Because No One Can Pronounce Its Name
Posted in Entertainment

Bi-onic Woman Tells All

In a Glossy News exclusive, 70’s icon Jamie Summers spoke recently about career, relationships, and long held secrets. It was a brief but very moving interview. GN: Jamie, please explain the timing on announcing your bisexuality? JS: Well, I watched…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bi-onic Woman Tells All
Posted in Society

Neo-Nazis Deny Closet Homosexuality

Los Angeles, CA (BNSE) — A contentious rally of Neo-Nazis in central Los Angeles erupted into laughter earlier this week as Fascist supporting speakers vehemently denied taunts from hundreds of assembled protesters accusing them of closet homosexuality. “We are not…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Neo-Nazis Deny Closet Homosexuality
Posted in Politics

Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies

Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Following a storm of controversy, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today released a press statement seeking to clarify his recent Zombie remarks, in what was seen by many as electoral politics damage control. “In a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies
Posted in Biz News

Detroit to be Bulldozed and Replaced with World’s Largest Mall

Detroit, MI (GlossyNews) -– In what was hailed as an extreme but necessary move by the Mayor of Detroit, work has begun in planning the total destruction and re-building of Detroit, this time as a shopping mall, not a city….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Detroit to be Bulldozed and Replaced with World’s Largest Mall
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Obama White House Loosens Up — Starts Gangsta Fridays

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a knee-jerk reaction to the accusation by Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) that the Obama Presidency was a “Gangster Government,” President Obama has decided to call her bluff and issue an executive order to his staff that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama White House Loosens Up — Starts Gangsta Fridays
Posted in Politics

Huckabee Compares Werewolves to Zombies

Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee hasn’t announced his plans for 2012, but the FOX News commenter has lately been stressing his cultural values credentials. Speaking this week to UC Berkeley’s College Republican Union, Huckabee hit…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Huckabee Compares Werewolves to Zombies
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

Is the iPad Right-Sizing Technology (Again)?

Utah, Behind the Zion Curtain (GlossyNews) — The iPad sucks. Whew, there, I said it, let the games begin. The iPad – single tasking handheld tablet computer that has the ability to enter local area networks and the internet, along…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Is the iPad Right-Sizing Technology (Again)?
Posted in World News

NRA Rushes Arms To Help Beleaguered Mexican Drug Cartels

Boca Raton, NM (GlossyNews) — The National Rifle Association, (NRA), ever at hand to aid the munitionally deprived, is running to the aid of drug cartels in Northern Mexico. Noting that they are in need of arms and ammunition, they…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! NRA Rushes Arms To Help Beleaguered Mexican Drug Cartels
Posted in Politics

Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — Speaker Pelosi this week followed triumph with triumph, again displaying her political acumen by securing the coveted Werewolf vote. The move stunned even Pelosi’s harshest critics speechless, shaking their heads in grudging admiration. A visibly euphoric…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Democrats Reaching Out to Werewolves
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — The United States Supreme Court has declared that faceless corporations, now considered full citizens with all the rights of free speech and whatnot, can now openly carry their weapon of choice in public. During the hearing,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Supreme Court to Allow Corporations to Carry Guns
Posted in Society

Gays Not Allowed to Pray in Wisconsin

Milwaukee, WI (GlossyNews) -– A Wisconsin District Court Judge appropriately named Crabb has ruled that there will be no praying on National Prayer Day unless it is done in private. “Whether you are an atheist or a true believer, a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gays Not Allowed to Pray in Wisconsin
Posted in Religionism

The Pope Faces A Day In Court

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Pope Faces A Day In Court
Posted in Human Interest

Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution

Bailey’s Crossroads, VA (GlossyNews) — A band of African Mountain Gorillas has arrived in Washington D.C. for a hearing in District Court to debunk Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, and challenge the findings in the famous Scopes Monkey Trial that allows…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Band of Apes Challenges Theory of Evolution
Posted in Science

TV Psychics Haunted by Ghostless House

Greenville, SC (GlossyNews) — The parapsychology community was confronted this week by an event some termed frightening. Fans of A&E’s popular “Paranormal Squad” were shocked this week when series regulars Kate, Bob and Xi Liang came a cropper in a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! TV Psychics Haunted by Ghostless House
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Yoko Ono Admits She Also Broke Up the Partridge Family

San Pueblo, CA (GlossyNews) — In a recent interview with Glossy News, Yoko Ono admitted, finally, that she was responsible for the break up of The Beatles. In an interesting side note, Ono went on to say that she was…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Yoko Ono Admits She Also Broke Up the Partridge Family
Posted in Human Interest

Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost

Daly City, CA (GlossyNews) — Karen Salvio came to San Francisco in 1994, a bright-eyed young woman fresh out of college. After she moved into her new apartment, she went out for the evening to have a few drinks. But…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Many San Francisco Homeless Are Simply Lost
Posted in Politics

Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) Both critics and supporters of President Obama are expressing equal measures of dismay by a recent announcement that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore is on the short list to replace Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens. Justice Stevens…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives
Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

One Dead After Conflicting iPhone Apps Simultaneously Open

Des Plains, IL (GlossyNews) — A Park Ridge, IL wedding party turned to disaster when an iPhone user died and three more suffered minor burns after the man inadvertently opened a volatile combination of iPhone apps. Ray Lipton, 35, of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! One Dead After Conflicting iPhone Apps Simultaneously Open
Posted in Entertainment

Hollywood Faces Shortage of Lame Ideas

Hollywoodland, CA (GlossyNews) — It has been whispered for months among the tight knit enclaves of Tinsel town. Following a recent spate of high profile suicides however, insiders are now speaking openly on the panic gripping their industry. Hollywood is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Hollywood Faces Shortage of Lame Ideas
Posted in Technology

Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him

Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him
Posted in Human Interest

World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo

FUTUREFILE Israel, 2023 – The world’s last Palestinian, an old female named Afnan, has died in an Israeli zoo, eliminating the chance that any Arab will ever again be referred to as a “Palestinian.” Back in 2016, Afnan was found…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! World’s Last Palestinian Dies in an Israeli Zoo
Posted in World News

Glossy News Wins Pulitzer Prize

Tonopah, NV Reuters — Humor news media titan Glossy News has won the Pulitzer in this year’s newly added “Best exploitation of a disaster” category. The committee cited GNN’s round the clock coverage from earthquake ravaged Hawaii. Media watchers were…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Glossy News Wins Pulitzer Prize
Posted in Television

‘Survivor’ Producer’s Wife Voted Off Planet

MEXICO CITY, Mexico (GlossyNews) — Emmy nominated reality television producer Bruce Beresford-Redman has been detained as a suspect in the killing of Monica Beresford-Redman, his wife. According to officials in Cancun, the body of Monica Beresford-Redman was found in a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ‘Survivor’ Producer’s Wife Voted Off Planet
Posted in Entertainment

Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’

The Dakota, CPW, NY, NY (GlossyNews) — Rumor has it that Yoko Ono has finally admitted that yes, she may have helped break up the Fab Four. “I was young, jealous, and Asian – you do the math,“ she supposedly…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Yoko Ono Finally Admits: I Broke Up ‘The Beatles’
Posted in Making Headlines

Jennifer Aniston Carrying David Cassidy’s Love Child

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jennifer Aniston Carrying David Cassidy’s Love Child
Posted in Politics

Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court

Washington DC (GlossyNews) — In a surprise move President Obama is set to nominate media mogul Oprah Winfrey to fill the Supreme Court vacancy created by retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. According to sources Winfrey will continue starring in her…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Obama to Nominate Oprah to Supreme Court
Posted in Health

Democrats Euthanize Elderly to Make Snack Foods

Macon, GA (GlossyNews) — Intrepid FOX News reporters have uncovered a heinous Left Wing plot to do in America’s older generation. While many were declaring the hard right’s scary threats that the Left was going to let older citizens die…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Democrats Euthanize Elderly to Make Snack Foods
Posted in Biz News

New York Governor Plans to Make You Pay to Poop

New York, NY 10017 (GlossyNews) — At a press this morning, Governor David Paterson unveiled a drastic overhaul to the operation of New York public restrooms meant to reign in spending and generate new revenue for the debt ridden state. “I’ve pretty much cut every…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New York Governor Plans to Make You Pay to Poop
Posted in World News

Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans

Abercrombie, MI (GlossyNews) — Breaking News: A Christian militia, made up entirely of horses, was arrested today for planning a stampede through the middle of Main Street, USA on July 4th. The leader of the herd, known only as Star,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Feds Arrest Christian Horse Militia for July 4th Plans