Month: April 2010
Tea Bagger Shocked That He Helped Create Today’s America
Memphis, TN (GlossyNews) — A raging tea partier activist was shocked to realize the America he is so angry about — was actually created by his generation. “It was quite the epiphany, let me tell you,” said 56 year old…
Fortune Magazine Names Hollister, California Most Gullible City in America
New York, NY – This dubious recognition came on the heels of a story which appeared on the Glossy News website in February 2010, see here, wherein Hollister, California was depicted as a creepy town by executives of a British…
Kate Gosselin Puts Dancing Skills to Work Giving Lap Dances
Reading, PA (GlossyNews) – Never one to fret about where her next paycheck is coming from what with all her new-found skills and all, Kate Gosselin has put her recent professional dancing skills to use at the local Sheetahs Club…
Libraries to Start Charging for Books
Bangor, ME (GlossyNews) — The Association for Library Associations’ director June Cleaver spoke to reporters this week to unveil a new library management scheme. Ms. Cleaver, resplendent in pearls and a powder blue dress, was upbeat on ALA’s new business…
Huffington Post Honors Rush Limbaugh
with Mother of the Year award.
God Is Definitely Gay: Says Dutch Sexpert
Utrecht, Holland (GlossyNews) — At the risk of raising the ire of religious straight people worldwide, Barend Hardwinkel, Gay Sexpert from Amsterdam, Netherlands has written in his new book, Move Over, Mary, that, “Yes, God is definitely gay.“ In an…
Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets
At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck,…
Status Update: Brian White Rejected from Harvard
[Ed Note: This story was originally run on Monday April 12, but we inadvertently left out all of the nouns.] Boston, Mass (GlossyNews) In sad and disappointing news this morning, Glossy News publisher Brian White was informed by officials at…
Middle School Students Elect New Jesus Figure
Russetville, KY (GlossyNews) — Voting with their fists, the students of Dick Armey Middle School in Russetville, Kentucky have elected Denny Flutcher their Jesus Figure. The results of the one-sided election were obvious last afternoon, when Jesus figure runner-up, Leo…
Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway
New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’…