[Ed Note: Unfortunately, due to Glossy News policies, we were not able to publish the full article as written by Stuyv. Some comments were edited out because they were not inflammatory enough to represent the views of Glossy News.]
Dothan, Al (GlossyNews) — After a week of controversy surrounding the censorship of an episode of the animated series South Park for mentioning the Prophet Muhammad, Comedy Central announced today it would also be censoring it’s own press release on the subject. A spokesman for Comedy Central said they received another veiled threat from the Islamic group Revolution Muslim about the press release because it had, just like the show, referenced the prophet by name.
Comedy Central responded to the threat by re-releasing the original press release with all the sections referring to Muhammad redacted. Executives at Comedy Central say they were doing what they felt was in the best interest of their employees safety.
“Comedy Central now realizes that even mentioning Muh… whoops, almost did it again, ” spokesman John Longfellow said, nervously laughing. “I swear, I’m going to get myself killed. This is dangerous stuff.”
“The point is we should never have even mentioned, you know, the reason we were censoring the show in the first place,” Comedy Central CEODoug Herzog said. “People would have figured out that it was about… you know… about uh…what it was about. God I must sound like an idiot.”
“We had been foolish before,” Herzog added. “But now, to ensure everyone’s safety, we have banned the use of the prophets name on our channel forever. Can I say prophet? Is that vague enough?”
“What, we didn’t do anything,” a spokesman for Revolution Muslim said, when asked to comment on the controversy. “All we did was simply imply that anyone who prints the name of the prophet may just happen to find themselves with a bomb shoved up their ass, that’s all. It’s not like we were threatening them.”
The exact quote from Revolution Muslim’s website read as follows: “These people will just never learn. Sure they took our advice and bleeped and blooped all the references to our prophet during last Wednesday’s broadcast, but what do the insolent, death-seeking fools do then? They insult us and our people by daring to print his name in their stupid press release. Maybe when an extremist reads that press release and is moved to do something super, duper extreme, they will finally learn their lesson. Maybe. You never know. We’re just hypothesizing here.”
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the two men at the center of the debate, tried to weigh in on this latest development on NBC’s Today Show. “It starts with giving up your right to free speech in the name of safety, but then what,” asked Parker. “Are we going to start making women wear burka’s if people keep threatening to blow us up otherwise? Where is the line? Where does it end?”
In the interview, Parker and Stone went on to speak about how vital free speech is in our society and why American’s shouldn’t give in to terrorists threats. That portion of the interview never made it to air though because Today producers cut early to an Al Roker cooking segment. NBC claims they had simply run out of time for the interview, but those close to the matter say it was cut off early in response to a tweet received during the broadcast. NBC executives denied the report and refused to comment further on the subject.
A crew member at Today, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said Producers of the show became alarmed when they received a tweet from someone going by the name “Angry Islamic guy (the real one).” According to the crew member, the email contained only one word: “Boo.”