Arizona Gold Strike Rumored

Tucson, AZ (GlossyNews) — The mood was buoyant at this week’s Tucson Chamber of Commerce meeting. COC director Blaine Dillray addressed the recent astronomical increase in business spending. “Just goes to show that forecasts can be wrong; can’t argue with facts. Business purchasing is a leading indicator of economic revival. With all these copier and printer orders, it looks like Arizona is poised for something really big.”

Such growth would be welcome news for the beleaguered desert state, among the hardest hit by the real estate crash and now embroiled in an immigration controversy. Dillray was eager to supply details on the spike in business machine purchases. “These aren’t just run of the mill office machines either; this is high tech junk. High resolution, ability to print holographic images, you name it. One might assume the continuing financial trouble in California is drawing the graphic arts businesses to a tax sanctuary, and it could be. But never forget boys, Arizona is a frontier state, and I’ve got a hunch we’re getting ready for a gold rush here.”

Mr. Dillray, who insists on being called ‘Dill,’ went on to explain his pet theory. According to Dill, the fabled ‘Lost Dutchman’ mine has likely been found, and insiders are gearing up to print gold claim documents. “My grandfather was COC head in Tombstone, back around the big silver strike, and he said picks and shovels sold out way in advance of the announcement. People try to keep the news secret, but men drink and tongues get loose; the insiders get ready. So I think somebody’s found the Dutchman.”

The Tucson Chamber of Commerce director conceded his theory is controversial, and others were quick to agree with him. Prominent Casa Grande immigration attorney Burt Bagnall said, “The Superstition Mountains? They’ve been dug so full of holes I’m surprised they don’t whistle on windy days. Dill is a jackass, and please print that I said so. Look here, you tell me nearly three thousand orders have been placed this week for high resolution printing machines? I agree, yeah somebody’s about to haul in a lot of gold, but not from the ground.”

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.