Month: November 2009
Mall Santas to Goldman Sachs: Hand Over the Vaccine
New York, NY – In a jolly but firm tone, the Association of Mall Santas (AMS) has issued a formal demand to Wall Street giant Goldman Sachs to hand over all their doses of the swine flu vaccine to the…
Rumpy Pumpy: E-USSR Presidential Favourite
Belgian Prime Minister Herman van Rumpy Pumpy appears to be the frontrunner for selection as the dystopic E-USSR’s first permanent president at a summit in Brussels this coming Thursday. The centre-right of left leader has a reputation as a canny…
What is Wrong with our Legal System in America?
The main feature that separates humans from animals, in a world where humans possess “inalienable rights” and animals do not, is Descartes’ famous Cognito. However, I do not think it’s complete when Plato declared that it’s reason that defines us…
Apple’s iBoob Set to Break Sales Records
Addressing a press conference at his corporate headquarters in California’s Silicone Valley, Steve Jobs, the company founder of Crapple, announced today that they has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. This is further being considered a…
Depp Pirates Another Sexy Global Victory
Hollywood CA — People Magazine has ruled — Depp won! Pirates Beat Vampires! was the header online — with an eye-popping 6.3 million total votes cast! Johnny Depp, mid-40s, is the World’s Sexiest Man! Who were the contenders, aside from…
Ask Hank: Trailer Park Pursuit
Dear Hank, I’m pretty sure my sister in law totally wants me. She’s gross, but I guess I’d still go make it happen if I thought my girl wouldn’t find out. Doesn’t matter. I’m conflicted. On the one hand it…
Party Animal Gaddafi Goes Bonkers
Two hundred gold-digging Italian slappers bit off more than they could chew last Sunday night after answering a recruitment ad’ to attend a posh wine and dine shagfest do in the salubrious and elegant suburbs of exotic Rome. However canapés…
The Advantage Small Government (in the epicenter of a Global Financial Crisis)?
Milton Friedman is a canonized saint (Nobel Prize) of modern economics, continuing a line laissez-faire, market-driven economy first started by Adam Smith. And culturally, America revered Friedman as a freedom fighter against the Soviet totalitarian expansions during the Cold War….
Robo-Rat: the Future of Service-Free Pets
Worried about getting your youngsters a pet for Christmas – a cuddly kitten or puppy –then face the moral conscience dilemma of having to go and dump it up the arse end of the wilderness a few weeks later –…
Building Overtakes Basketball… Poms Excel
The Women of Notre Dame officially opened their basketball season on the 15th against unranked University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff at the newly renovated Purcell Pavilion of the Joyce Athletic and Convocation Center. The 102 to 57 rout of UAPB was…