Building Overtakes Basketball… Poms Excel

The Women of Notre Dame officially opened their basketball season on the 15th against unranked University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff at the newly renovated Purcell Pavilion of the Joyce Athletic and Convocation Center. The 102 to 57 rout of UAPB was overshadowed by the shortcomings of the new facility, despite the stellar performance of freshman sensation Skyhook Digme, including her dive into the stands to save a ball.

The renovation of the multimillion dollar facility entailed the removal of all seating – including the stadium bleachers, the gym floor and other support and convenience items. Plans originally called for replacing the pre-existing upholstered seating in the lower arena and all of the bleacher seating in the upper arena with brand new upholstered seats in the entire arena. The original sectional seating designated by various colors (green, blue, orange, etc.) has been replaced by a consistent blue color scheme in hard plastic.

Apparently the engineers at Notre Dame did not notice the exception to the specifications inserted by the contractor calling for “padded look seating” and were forced to accept the cost saving (profit increasing) substitution. Fans were ecstatic over the fact that all of the seats had finally been cleaned of the construction debris evident during the exhibition game two weeks prior. Rumor has it that the tremors felt on campus at the Cedar Grove Cemetery were caused by Moose Krause (star

Irish basketballer, footballer and long time Athletic Director at Notre Dame) spinning in his grave. A number of long time fans of Irish Women’s Basketball (average age 62) were disappointed in the fact that the University had not increased the number of handicapped parking spaces from the minimum number of 52. This shortcoming has required a number of these fans to walk, or ride their power chairs, the two miles from the new handicapped lot in downtown South Bend. At the previously mentioned exhibition game, a female fan suffered a coronary and had to be revived by two high school students while waiting for the Paramedics.

On the lighter side, the Notre Dame Pom Squad were strutting their stuff and shaking their well rounded booties (and boobies) with much more finesse than in previous seasons. The summer break spent at the Kim Kardashian School of Booty Shaking and Pole Dancing has surely improved the performance of the Squad for this season.

Author: Iracundus Humanus

Iracundus Humanus was born in the middle of the last century, of working class parents. He was a sweet and happy child, but far too observant of the Human Condition for his own good. Seeing the manner in which people treat one another, he shed his claim to humanity (and his "sweetness") and now occasionally writes brief notes on the ills of society. He has traveled the country in a search for truth and justice (neither of which was located). He now resides in a small mid-western city containing a Major Catholic University, having located his clothing and broken down the door in the City of Brotherly Ennui.