Speaking ex cathedra from the Vatican today, Pope Benedict XVI, in response to the many rumors that God (aka The Almighty, Yahweh, Allah, Bhagwan, etc.) is dead, attempted to clarify the Global situation and put the rumors to rest once and for all.

In an interview with Fr. Guido Sarducci, editor of The Vatican Enquirer, Pope Benny revealed that he had had a long conversation with The Almighty regarding his apparent lack of interest in matters earthly. Continue Reading

Friday, a near tragedy occurred in the south central town of Vaxjo, Sweden when the participants in a Weight Watchers group were subjected to a structural failure of the building they were using. During a routine weigh-in to determine the amount of weight each participant had lost, and how much farther they needed to go to meet their goals, the floor collapsed underneath them. Continue Reading

It has recently been reported that the Lower Brule Sioux tribe of South Dakota has purchased the Wall Street investment firm Westrock Group. This marks the first instance of a Native American organization diversifying out of the gambling, jewelry and blanket markets.

Tribal spokesperson Oscar Get Many Ponies Leibowicz justified the $700 million purchase by stating that the tribe is fighting a 40% unemployment rate, decreased demand for Sioux blankets and jewelry, and lower profits from their Golden Buffalo Casino. Continue Reading

The Women of Notre Dame officially opened their basketball season on the 15th against unranked University of Arkansas-Pine Bluff at the newly renovated Purcell Pavilion of the Joyce Athletic and Convocation Center. The 102 to 57 rout of UAPB was overshadowed by the shortcomings of the new facility, despite the stellar performance of freshman sensation Skyhook Digme, including her dive into the stands to save a ball. Continue Reading

With the success of last years “Cougar Barbie” still fresh in their minds, Mattel will launch a full line of Black Barbie dolls in time for the Kwanza celebrations.

The original proposal was for a single new doll shipped with a hair straightening kit for the kiddies to play with. After careful review by the corporate safety department, it was decided that this action would expose too many young children to the harsh chemicals in the straightening kit. Continue Reading

Dateline: Akron OH – Ohio State Police reported in April that a fifty-two year old exotic dancer was assaulted by a co-worker, with a nine inch stiletto heal, on her first evening of work. Dancer Renatta Sarduchi was attacked by fellow dancer Mammilla Fantastawicz as the older dancer entered the dressing room. Police Lt. Edward Dick stated that Fantastawicz, 24, struck Sarduchi several times in the face and head with a nine inch stiletto heal. Continue Reading

Once upon a very long time ago there was “comic strip” called “There Oughta Be a Law”. The basic premise of this split panel strip was to show common annoyances in every day life and offer humorous solutions. Since I am not an illustrator, nor do I have what might be considered a “normal” sense of humor, we shall muddle on with humorless verbal illustrations of common problems encountered while driving and offer some suggestions to rectify them. Continue Reading