Posted in Science

Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)

Aliens from the Planet Nibiru and also the Pliedes, Lyra and Draco star systems have been visiting Earth for Millenniums what horologists term ‘a very long time’ – according to Bulgarian scientist Prof. Gregor von Numpty – and what is…

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Posted in Biz News

Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower

A 95-year old Grandmother has answered the clarion of moral conscience’s call and is spearheading the campaign against a proposed supermarket being built atop the listed buildings of a historic English market town. Fellatia Skank spit the proverbial dummy when…

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Posted in Religionism

Was Jesus a British Citizen?

If one is to believe the latest Gospel being proclaimed from on high by Scottish academic and archaeologist Reverend ‘Gorbals Jack’ McTwattie, Jesus Christ came to Britain to further his education and help out his old pikey Uncle – Joseph…

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Posted in Religionism

Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals

The UK’s Big Brother think tanks at Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute have now – in their superior wisdom – ordained nursery-age children should be monitored for signs of Pavlovian brainwashing by Islamist extremists – according to a leaked…

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Posted in Politics

London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

Rogue cyclists who flout the law while riding haphazardly along the gilded byways of London are to be re-classified as ‘domestic terrorists’ and fined by Westminster Council under plans to crackdown on called “Lycra louts” – with rumours abounding that…

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Posted in Human Interest Strange People

Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie…

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Posted in Human Interest

‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’

The draconian dipshit management of Monty Mamon’s Shopping Arcade at Skidrow-on-Sea have come under severe criticism due their inflexible ‘No Hoodies’ policy. The rigid enforcement of the regulation resulted in a detail of psychopathic Albanian immigrant Gestapo wannabes – on…

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Posted in World News

Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate. Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags…

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Posted in Religionism

Switzerland to Ban Muslim Minarets

Conservative moderate Swiss voters turned out en masse to support a referendum proposal banning the building of any more Islamic minarets. More than 75% of voters and 22 out of 26 cantons voted in favor of the ban – with…

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Posted in Religionism

Cannibals say ‘Sorry’ for Eating Vicar

A man whose English great-great-great grandfather was murdered then marinated in a hickory sauce for two days before being barbequed and eaten by South Pacific cannibals has taken part in a unique reconciliation ritual on their home island. In the…

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Posted in Biz News

Will Queen Elizabeth Soon Grace the US Dollar?

Where can the good news feasibly begin when the Rainbow starts and ends in crocks of festering shite? The UN’s Climate Conference in Copenhagen has been pre-cursed and already daubed a well-deserved full seven shades of corrupt and deceitful shit-brown…

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Posted in Human Interest

Twelve Days of Christmas — The Ghost of Christmas Present

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love sent to me Twelve court subpoenas, Eleven texts saying ‘ph*ck you’, Ten bailiffs with repossession orders, Nine blokes to cut the gas off, Eight maids with paternity claims, Seven photos of…

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Posted in Politics

Palin Arrested in Pre-Dawn Raid on Wasilla

Following a blitzkrieg pre-dawn raid on her rural Anchorage six bedroom igloo, involving ice picks, hot air guns and a flamethrower, a Homeland Security strike force this morning arrested failed Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin on charges of subversion, domestic…

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Posted in Crime

Khymer Henchman Claims Genocide ‘Hard Work’, Demands Freedom

Former Khmer Rouge prison chief Douche Bagg today shocked the UN-funded war crimes tribunal by demanding to be released on the final day of his trial for crimes against humanity, shoplifting and double parking in a restricted zone. The UN’s…

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Posted in Society

Modern Day Pilgrims Live off the Landfill

The first annual general meeting of the self-styled Freegan’s Society was held this weekend amid the sprawling sand dunes at Scroungeford-on-Sea, culminating in a four-course banquet prepared from waste food that the local garbage tip’s rats and seagulls had disdained…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

PM Brown Goes Ga-Ga on Tweeter

Sarah Brown’s Tweeter followers were baffled earlier this week when the Prime Monster’s long-suffering wife “twatted” a random set of letters that even caused cryptologists at the UK’s super secret Bletchley Park ‘el-int ‘ spy centre to scratch their heads…

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Posted in Strange People

Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay – but Sippin’ Beer?

A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world’s strongest beer – with a 32% alcohol content. Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries – has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough.

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Posted in War Zone

Taliban Announces 30,000 Jihadist Surge to Match US

President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from – or in conflict with – Israel’s, he will be dispatching an additional…

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Posted in Biz News

EU/DEFRA Devise “Stop-Farming” Ag Subsidies

Dear Secretary of State: My friend Old McDonald, who’s family have been farmers since the dawn of time, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing 50 pigs. In light of this fortuitous commercial opportunity I too would now like to sign up for the all-new E-USSR / DEFRA-funded / subsidised “not rearing pigs” business.

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Posted in Politics War Zone

Iran Declares Victory in “Art Student’s Yacht-gate”

The UK Foreign Office has now switched its typical slack-arsed press release from ‘actively investigating’ reports that five British yachtsmen – including their yacht – have been arrested by Iran’s Revolutionary Guard to ‘actively investigating’ reports that the five have…

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