Author: Rusty
Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)
Aliens from the Planet Nibiru and also the Pliedes, Lyra and Draco star systems have been visiting Earth for Millenniums what horologists term ‘a very long time’ – according to Bulgarian scientist Prof. Gregor von Numpty – and what is…
Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower
A 95-year old Grandmother has answered the clarion of moral conscience’s call and is spearheading the campaign against a proposed supermarket being built atop the listed buildings of a historic English market town. Fellatia Skank spit the proverbial dummy when…
Was Jesus a British Citizen?
If one is to believe the latest Gospel being proclaimed from on high by Scottish academic and archaeologist Reverend ‘Gorbals Jack’ McTwattie, Jesus Christ came to Britain to further his education and help out his old pikey Uncle – Joseph…
Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals
The UK’s Big Brother think tanks at Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute have now – in their superior wisdom – ordained nursery-age children should be monitored for signs of Pavlovian brainwashing by Islamist extremists – according to a leaked…
London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists
Rogue cyclists who flout the law while riding haphazardly along the gilded byways of London are to be re-classified as ‘domestic terrorists’ and fined by Westminster Council under plans to crackdown on called “Lycra louts” – with rumours abounding that…
Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban
The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie…
‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’
The draconian dipshit management of Monty Mamon’s Shopping Arcade at Skidrow-on-Sea have come under severe criticism due their inflexible ‘No Hoodies’ policy. The rigid enforcement of the regulation resulted in a detail of psychopathic Albanian immigrant Gestapo wannabes – on…
Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit
The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate. Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags…
Switzerland to Ban Muslim Minarets
Conservative moderate Swiss voters turned out en masse to support a referendum proposal banning the building of any more Islamic minarets. More than 75% of voters and 22 out of 26 cantons voted in favor of the ban – with…
Cannibals say ‘Sorry’ for Eating Vicar
A man whose English great-great-great grandfather was murdered then marinated in a hickory sauce for two days before being barbequed and eaten by South Pacific cannibals has taken part in a unique reconciliation ritual on their home island. In the…