Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)

Aliens from the Planet Nibiru and also the Pliedes, Lyra and Draco star systems have been visiting Earth for Millenniums what horologists term ‘a very long time’ – according to Bulgarian scientist Prof. Gregor von Numpty – and what is more “They speak Bulgarian and adore eating Karvama – as they claim it tastes just like human flesh.” Read more Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)

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Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower

A 95-year old Grandmother has answered the clarion of moral conscience’s call and is spearheading the campaign against a proposed supermarket being built atop the listed buildings of a historic English market town.

Fellatia Skank spit the proverbial dummy when informed of plans to build one of the ubiquitous Pukesbury’s Greedy Grocer supermarket outlets on the “historic” Scabbey Mill site, at Bishops Wankingham, near Scruntchester. Read more Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower

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Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals

The UK’s Big Brother think tanks at Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute have now – in their superior wisdom – ordained nursery-age children should be monitored for signs of Pavlovian brainwashing by Islamist extremists – according to a leaked police memo left in a trashcan at Hyde Park’s Whistleblower’s Corner – with copies being passed on to the Daily Snitch and the Grassers Gazette. Read more Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals

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London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

Rogue cyclists who flout the law while riding haphazardly along the gilded byways of London are to be re-classified as ‘domestic terrorists’ and fined by Westminster Council under plans to crackdown on called “Lycra louts” – with rumours abounding that the tussle-haired London Mayor tops the target list of ‘BMX Blackguards’.

It has not yet been decided how much the on-the-spot fines will be levied at, Read more London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

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Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation.

Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie taster with Gluttons Gourmet Foods, was pronounced DOA at Scumborough General Hospital last Tuesday afternoon following an attack of terminal flatulence which caused his colon to detonate through spontaneous combustion. Read more Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

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