Posted in Science

Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)

Aliens from the Planet Nibiru and also the Pliedes, Lyra and Draco star systems have been visiting Earth for Millenniums what horologists term ‘a very long time’ – according to Bulgarian scientist Prof. Gregor von Numpty – and what is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Aliens Walk Among Us (in Bulgaria Anyway)
Posted in Biz News

Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower

A 95-year old Grandmother has answered the clarion of moral conscience’s call and is spearheading the campaign against a proposed supermarket being built atop the listed buildings of a historic English market town. Fellatia Skank spit the proverbial dummy when…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Granny Grapples with Grocery Superpower
Posted in Religionism

Was Jesus a British Citizen?

If one is to believe the latest Gospel being proclaimed from on high by Scottish academic and archaeologist Reverend ‘Gorbals Jack’ McTwattie, Jesus Christ came to Britain to further his education and help out his old pikey Uncle – Joseph…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Was Jesus a British Citizen?
Posted in Religionism

Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals

The UK’s Big Brother think tanks at Chatham House and the Tavistock Institute have now – in their superior wisdom – ordained nursery-age children should be monitored for signs of Pavlovian brainwashing by Islamist extremists – according to a leaked…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Big Brother Targets Kindergarten Radicals
Posted in Politics

London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists

Rogue cyclists who flout the law while riding haphazardly along the gilded byways of London are to be re-classified as ‘domestic terrorists’ and fined by Westminster Council under plans to crackdown on called “Lycra louts” – with rumours abounding that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! London City Targets ‘Lycra Lout’ Cyclists
Posted in Human Interest Strange People

Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban

The relatives of a 40-stone (254 kg) man from Scumerset informed a reporter for the Mass Graves Gazette that the undertaker had advised them the deceased’s body was too heavy for cremation. Frank McGrunt, a 95-year old former meat pie…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Crematorium Imposes Fatties Ban
Posted in Human Interest

‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’

The draconian dipshit management of Monty Mamon’s Shopping Arcade at Skidrow-on-Sea have come under severe criticism due their inflexible ‘No Hoodies’ policy. The rigid enforcement of the regulation resulted in a detail of psychopathic Albanian immigrant Gestapo wannabes – on…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! ‘No Hoodies’ Policy vs ‘Old Time Religion’
Posted in World News

Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit

The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate. Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit
Posted in Religionism

Switzerland to Ban Muslim Minarets

Conservative moderate Swiss voters turned out en masse to support a referendum proposal banning the building of any more Islamic minarets. More than 75% of voters and 22 out of 26 cantons voted in favor of the ban – with…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Switzerland to Ban Muslim Minarets
Posted in Religionism

Cannibals say ‘Sorry’ for Eating Vicar

A man whose English great-great-great grandfather was murdered then marinated in a hickory sauce for two days before being barbequed and eaten by South Pacific cannibals has taken part in a unique reconciliation ritual on their home island. In the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cannibals say ‘Sorry’ for Eating Vicar
Posted in Biz News

Will Queen Elizabeth Soon Grace the US Dollar?

Where can the good news feasibly begin when the Rainbow starts and ends in crocks of festering shite? The UN’s Climate Conference in Copenhagen has been pre-cursed and already daubed a well-deserved full seven shades of corrupt and deceitful shit-brown…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Will Queen Elizabeth Soon Grace the US Dollar?
Posted in Human Interest

Twelve Days of Christmas — The Ghost of Christmas Present

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas my true love sent to me Twelve court subpoenas, Eleven texts saying ‘ph*ck you’, Ten bailiffs with repossession orders, Nine blokes to cut the gas off, Eight maids with paternity claims, Seven photos of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Twelve Days of Christmas — The Ghost of Christmas Present
Posted in Politics

Palin Arrested in Pre-Dawn Raid on Wasilla

Following a blitzkrieg pre-dawn raid on her rural Anchorage six bedroom igloo, involving ice picks, hot air guns and a flamethrower, a Homeland Security strike force this morning arrested failed Republican VP wannabe Sarah Palin on charges of subversion, domestic…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Palin Arrested in Pre-Dawn Raid on Wasilla
Posted in Crime

Khymer Henchman Claims Genocide ‘Hard Work’, Demands Freedom

Former Khmer Rouge prison chief Douche Bagg today shocked the UN-funded war crimes tribunal by demanding to be released on the final day of his trial for crimes against humanity, shoplifting and double parking in a restricted zone. The UN’s…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Khymer Henchman Claims Genocide ‘Hard Work’, Demands Freedom
Posted in Society

Modern Day Pilgrims Live off the Landfill

The first annual general meeting of the self-styled Freegan’s Society was held this weekend amid the sprawling sand dunes at Scroungeford-on-Sea, culminating in a four-course banquet prepared from waste food that the local garbage tip’s rats and seagulls had disdained…

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip

PM Brown Goes Ga-Ga on Tweeter

Sarah Brown’s Tweeter followers were baffled earlier this week when the Prime Monster’s long-suffering wife “twatted” a random set of letters that even caused cryptologists at the UK’s super secret Bletchley Park ‘el-int ‘ spy centre to scratch their heads…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! PM Brown Goes Ga-Ga on Tweeter
Posted in Strange People

Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay – but Sippin’ Beer?

A controversial Scottish brewery has launched what it described as the world’s strongest beer – with a 32% alcohol content. Tactical Nuclear Penguin – with a radioactive half-life of several centuries – has been unveiled by SpewDog of Twatborough.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sippin’ Whiskey – Okay – but Sippin’ Beer?
Posted in War Zone

Taliban Announces 30,000 Jihadist Surge to Match US

President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from – or in conflict with – Israel’s, he will be dispatching an additional…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Taliban Announces 30,000 Jihadist Surge to Match US
Posted in Biz News

EU/DEFRA Devise “Stop-Farming” Ag Subsidies

Dear Secretary of State: My friend Old McDonald, who’s family have been farmers since the dawn of time, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing 50 pigs. In light of this fortuitous commercial opportunity I too would now like to sign up for the all-new E-USSR / DEFRA-funded / subsidised “not rearing pigs” business.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! EU/DEFRA Devise “Stop-Farming” Ag Subsidies
Posted in Politics War Zone

Iran Declares Victory in “Art Student’s Yacht-gate”

The UK Foreign Office has now switched its typical slack-arsed press release from ‘actively investigating’ reports that five British yachtsmen – including their yacht – have been arrested by Iran’s Revolutionary Guard to ‘actively investigating’ reports that the five have…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Iran Declares Victory in “Art Student’s Yacht-gate”
Posted in Kidz Zone

New EUSSR Questionnaire – for Five-Year-Olds

The latest Kafkaesque directive to be launched by the Brussels-based E-USSR is a super-intrusive questionnaire to be completed by the parents of 5-year old children who are ready to start school. The dystopic European Bully Boy state’s interrogation sheet contains…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New EUSSR Questionnaire – for Five-Year-Olds
Posted in Environment

Tesco-saurus Rex Naturally Embroiled in Climategate Scam

A self-proclaimed global warming expert agreed to endorse the UK’s Greediest Grocer’s position on reducing plastic bag use after his institute received a £25 zillion donation from the ubiquitous dominating supermarket chain, according to evidence gleaned by Feral Beryl McScatt…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tesco-saurus Rex Naturally Embroiled in Climategate Scam
Posted in Crime

Stick Figure Drawing Leads Police Straight to Flat, Featureless Killer

A photo-fit identity drawing scribbled down on the back of a whorehouse bar menu by Candida Putata, the sole witness to the murder of Jiggy Moronito, a taxi driver in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, has helped homicide detectives to apprehend six…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Stick Figure Drawing Leads Police Straight to Flat, Featureless Killer
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Tiger Woods: the New OJ Simpson?

Tiger Woods, in a typical display of celebrity pout and unqualified arrogance, continues to refuse to be interviewed by police officers investigating the five mile per hour catastrophic vehicle accident that occurred directly outside his exclusive suburban Egoville mansion near…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Tiger Woods: the New OJ Simpson?
Posted in Politics

Risk Assessment for Wiping One’s Own Bum

To comply with fresh slapstick Big Brother legislation being issued by the E-USSR’s bored bureaucrats in bonkers Brussels, family homes across Britain could be invaded by HSE inspectors checking that parents are keeping their children safe. Whitehall’s Ministry for Wasting…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Risk Assessment for Wiping One’s Own Bum
Posted in Biz News Politics

Medvedev’s Russia a Business Basket Case

The once-proud and imperial Russian realm of the corrupt and inept Tsars has now turned into a “criminal state”, according to a top UK financial whiz and investor who until recently did business with the country’s leading criminals. Ghengis McTwatte…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Medvedev’s Russia a Business Basket Case
Posted in Environment

Mammoth Crap May Hold Key to Global Warming

Ever since Al Bore’s ‘A Convenient Pile of Bullshit’ movie won an Oscar for the best work of fiction in Hollycrud’s prestigious Academy Awards ‘Propaganda and Scaremongering’ category the eco-fascist AGW alarmist lobby has been searching for anything that might…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mammoth Crap May Hold Key to Global Warming
Posted in Politics

US First Lady Tops Google Porno’ Search

Google has issued a provisory apology to the White House regarding a controversial photograph of Michelle Obama – which certain prudish official and media sources – including the Rednecks Gazette, the KKK Monthly, the Jesus Crust Church of Latter Day…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! US First Lady Tops Google Porno’ Search
Posted in Politics

Mandelson McScandalson’s (Pathetic Excuse for?) Last Stand

Gordon ‘Incapability’ Brown is getting lambasted by demands to have a bit of a Cabinet reshuffle and make the current incumbernt Foreign Secretary, David Millipede, Chief Tea wallah while elevating Business Sec’ Lord Peter Scandalson to the vacated post in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mandelson McScandalson’s (Pathetic Excuse for?) Last Stand
Posted in Crime

Con-Com’s Phone System Thwarts Jailers, Criminals Not So Much

Sir Jarvis Armitage-Shanks, the chairman of HM Scallydale Prison’s Independent Monitoring Board, told the media that illegal phones are fuelling jailbird drug trading and turning honest penitentiaries into hotbeds of crime. Pontificating to reporters that the only way – in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Con-Com’s Phone System Thwarts Jailers, Criminals Not So Much