Month: October 2009
Health Emergency Declared at Strip Clubs Citing H1N1 Fears, This Time
President Barack Obama officially declared a public health emergency due to H1N1 on Friday evening, and did so with a gusto uncustomary even for him. The Obama Administration said this proclamation will waive certain standard federal requirements as needed, on…
Higgs Boson Refuses to Come Clean on Universal Secrets
Big Bang theories that actually went ‘Bang!’, top quantum physics scientists arrested for belonging to Jolly Jihadi terrorist groups, toxic rhubarb gas leaking into the main critical mass vacuum chambers – and a legion of similar mysterious breakdowns – involving…
Stiletto Blitz on Co-worker Nets Probation for Exotic Dancer
Dateline: Akron OH – Ohio State Police reported in April that a fifty-two year old exotic dancer was assaulted by a co-worker, with a nine inch stiletto heal, on her first evening of work. Dancer Renatta Sarduchi was attacked by…
CIA Funding Tech, Linguistics, Some Iranian Terrorist Groups
The United States military hawks have thrown their hands up and cried “Time Out!” as they hotly deny accusations of having played a role in a deadly terrorist suicide bombing in southeast Iran. “We condemn this act of terrorism and…
Hey Rush: I’ve Got Some Satire I Wanna Sell You
What do you do when you’ve been outed on national radio trying once again to dish dirty lies about the President? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, you make up some half-assed excuse why you’re not a complete dumb ass for falling…
Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked
A Smegmashire Church of England magazine – the Avenging Angel – has drawn severe criticism from the laity for describing people participating in traditional Halloween celebrations as “siding with the Devil”. The Avenging Angel article also claims the children’s practice…
Queen’s Royal Mail to be Sold to Dutch
As power mad as ever and still wheeler-dealing and meddling in matters far beyond his scope of limited political and intellectual skills, Labour’s very own Vermin in Ermine, Lord Peter Scandalson, is trying yet again to pawn off the Royal…
Toy Shop Owner Faces Bankruptcy Over “Cursing” Doll Mix-Up
New York, NY – A Hoboken toy shop owner is suing a Chinese doll manufacturer for unspecified damages claiming that the “cursing” dolls he ordered “don’t even f**king talk.” Hoping to cash in on the annual round of innocent dolls,…
World Begs Gosslins: Stop Airing Your Dirty Laundry
It’s unlikely Kate or Jon Gosslin will read this, so consider it instead a lecture for the rest of you. After all, you too may soon become a TLC or E! reality show celebrity for what’s generally accepted as “no…
UN Official Calls for Promotion of Sodomy, Buggery, Family Values
At the United Nations Population Control Conference in Istanbul last week the Saudi Arabian-born executive director of the UN Population Fund, MsThoraya Obaid, called for more funding for the propagation of Third World population control and the ‘de-stigmatizing’ of sodomy….