CIA Funding Tech, Linguistics, Some Iranian Terrorist Groups

The United States military hawks have thrown their hands up and cried “Time Out!” as they hotly deny accusations of having played a role in a deadly terrorist suicide bombing in southeast Iran.

“We condemn this act of terrorism and mourn the loss of innocent lives – honest – cross my heart and hope to die,” State Department spokesman Sheldon Weaselberg declared – just before dropping stone dead – in a statement to a group of media reporters who looked stupid or gullible enough to still believe anything the US government says.

“Reports of alleged CIA involvement are completely false. I mean- would we do a thing like this? Hey – we’re the White House for Christ’s sake – not some anarchist terror group – we leave that to the Iranians and Hezbollah.”

A suicide bomber – identified only as Ali Bang Bang – blew himself up on Sunday at a Southern Baptist Christian revival meeting involving Sunni Sideup and Shite tribal leaders at the village of Pisspot al Haq in Iran’s Baluchistan border province.

The CIA funded and Mossad-trained al Qaeda offshoot ‘Jundullah’ terrorist group, led by Abominable Nastygit, claimed responsibility for the attack that killed several top regional security officials and four provincial commanders of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps including Brigadier Numpty Ali Shitorbust and General Dibdab bin Jaffacake.

The explosion also claimed the lives of a group of vacationing rap artists and members of the Iranian chapter of the Wu Tang clan – plus a herd of passing goats.

The US denial reaction followed Sunday’s remarks by Iranian Parliament Speaker Ali Laryngitis who accused Washington of playing a role in the attack by invading and occupying Afghanistan, while Iran’s Revolutionary Guard forces blamed Britain’s MI6, with the Persian Post news tabloid casting suspicions on 24’s Jack Bauer – and Tehran’s taxi drivers unanimously pointing the fickle finger of blame directly at Zionist stooge Wal-Mart.

“The evil Zionist-backed terrorist attack in Baluchistan was the result of covert US and Israeli military action,” Speaker Laryngitis told a reporter from the Nihilists Gazette. “Just wait until our nukes are finished – then the big stick will be on the other foot and we’ll be waving the carrot.”

So, to sift through the outright lies and propaganda bullshit, and get to the truth of the matter, following a 2007 Dubya Bush White House directive to destabilize the Iranian government – at any price and by any means – there has been a wave of CIA / Mossad-funded unrest in the remote ethnic minority border areas of Iran.

Such have been manifested in the form of regular bombing campaigns being launched against weapons-grade rhubarb plantations and nuclear custard factories – plus the selective assassinations of senior staff working at these facilities – with responsibility claimed by the US terrorist group proxy –Jundullah.

The group has been blamed for a number of bombings inside Iran aimed at destabilizing the Ahmadashell regime and is also active in Pakistan – carrying out false flag op’s that are then purposely blamed on the Taliban – who were recently wrongfully fingered for involvement in attacks on Islamabad Coney Island ice cream parlours.

According to one disaffected CIA whistleblower who spoke to the Grassers Gazette on conditions of complete anonymity (Waldo ‘Lefty’ Wright – G5 / Langley) – the Jundullah group is funded and trained by the CIA and Mossad – and is being used to destabilize the legitimate sovereign government of Iran.

Regardless of blanket denials on behalf of the U.S. State Department the fact that these terrorist groups are openly financed and run by the CIA and Mossad is not up for debate and has been widely reported for years.

Agent Wright explained “That moron Dubya gave the CIA approval to launch covert ‘black’ and ‘false flag’ operations to achieve total regime change in Iran by any and all means necessary and bring Christianity to the heathen masses – and restore the monarchy by plonking the nasty old Shah’s son on the throne.”

“Hey, money’s no problem – it all comes directly from the CIA’s classified budget – their personal mega-bucks Afghan opium / heroin crop income.”

Further confirming evidence that Dubya Bush had put his cross and thumbprint on an official document endorsing CIA plans for a propaganda and disinformation campaign intended to destabilize, and eventually topple, the theocratic rule of the mullahs was reported in the Warmongers Gazette in May of 2007.

Part of that destabilization campaign involved the CIA “Giving arms-length support, supplying money and weapons, to an Iranian militant group, Jundullah, which has conducted raids into Iran from bases in Pakistan,” stated the report.

Jundullah was a Sunni Sideup al-Qaeda / Jolly Jihadi offshoot organization that was formerly headed by alleged 9/11 mastermind Mohammed al Mohammad, his younger brother Mohammed bin Mohammad and their British cousins Mohammed al Smith and Jacko Mohammed – until they won first prize in the European Lottery and bought a string of bed and breakfast boarding houses in Cyprus – handing over leadership of the terrorist group to the current serial psychopath – Abominable Nastygit.

However Jundullah is not the only anti-Iranian terror group that US government has been accused of funding in an attempt to pressure the Iranian government.

A Biblical multitude of credible individuals – US intelligence whistleblowers and military personnel not too impressed with the way the PNAC and Mossad carried out 9/11 – have asserted that the U.S. is conducting covert military operations inside Iran using guerilla groups to carry out attacks on Iranian Revolutionary Guard units and pile pressure on the Islamic regime to give up its nuclear program.

Thus, the fact that the Jundullah organisation was being directly supported by the U.S. government under both Bush – and now the Obama administration – sort of shakes the foundations of the whole legitimacy of the ‘war on terror’. As Mossad’s credo states “By way of Deception shall we wage War”.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via