Search Results for: cnn
Unemployment Dips, Executive Pay Soars (with little taxes)
Unemployment took an unexpected turn for the better, with 216,000 new jobs added to payroll last month. And while The USA Today reported that 2010 saw median incomes rise 2.1%, it also reported that median CEO pay jumped 27% for…
Crazy Woman Buys AOL for Fair Market Value: Negative $315 Million
It’s already being called the deal of the century, and there are still eighty-nine years to go. Liberal news aggregator and alleged Gabor sister Arianna Huffington now owns AOL. Media watchers are at a loss to explain what happened or…
Hillary Presidential Hopes Fading
Grand Rapids, MI native Hillary Pierce was shocked this week to learn CNN thinks her senior class presidency bid is doomed. According to lunch room witnesses, seventeen-year old Hillary was inconsolable and left early, missing her AP Chemistry class. At…
Piers Morgan Determined to Fill Regis Philbin’s Vacancy
Piers Morgan recently took over the top spot on CNN when he replaced Larry King and the Larry King Live show with his own Piers Morgan Tonight. Following the entertainment route of Ryan Seacrest, he’s now setting his sites on…
Media Boycotts Year in Review Stories, “It wasn’t that memorable a year”
In a rare show of solidarity, all news outlets have agreed to cancel ‘Year in Review’ retrospectives for 2010. The late December fluff pieces have long been a staple of American journalism, due in large part to the low skill…
Haley Barbour Channels Aunt Pittypat to Deny Racism’s Afoot
A secret videotape was recently found of Gov Haley Barbour (R-Miss.) channeling the spirit of Aunt Pittypat from the movie, Gone with the Wind, to let the world know the hubbub over Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s omission of slavery, while…
Glenn Beck Audience at Record Levels – Liberals Stunned
The highly viewed FOX television show The Glenn Beck Show has surged upward in viewership the last few weeks with the media industry Nomitron Ratings at an unheard of 9.4 high. The only other broadcast to hit anywhere near this mark…
Senator Apologizes to Conquistadors
NUEVO LAREDO, Texas (GlossyNews) — In a move termed a ‘head scratcher’ by DC insiders, TX Senator Denton R. Fender this week released a statement aimed at rapprochement towards Spain, and some people who have been dead for five centuries….
‘The Onion’ Publishes an Issue of True Stories
Foxpeter Grove, MD (GlossyNews) — The Onion, America’s premier satire and humor newspaper, shocked the literary world today by publishing an issue of ABSOLUTELY TRUE STORIES! The US’s flagship smart-ass site today reported on several newsworthy incidents that actually happened….
Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies
Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Following a storm of controversy, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today released a press statement seeking to clarify his recent Zombie remarks, in what was seen by many as electoral politics damage control. “In a…