Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies

Fort Smith, Ark-Kansas (GlossyNews) — Following a storm of controversy, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee today released a press statement seeking to clarify his recent Zombie remarks, in what was seen by many as electoral politics damage control.

“In a recent speech, I compared Werewolves to Zombies, and some have incorrectly taken my statements as denigrating towards the brain eating community. This was never my intent. I have always believed diversity is one of our nation’s strengths, and Zombies are an important part in that. My remarks were metaphorical and intended to illustrate public policy challenges. Some, for political reasons have seized upon my words and misconstrued them for political gain. To them, I have nothing to say. To my Zombie friends I say, if my remarks offended you, I sincerely ask your pardon.”

The press release was termed bizarre by many, but CNN’s Woody Harrelson had an entirely different perspective. “That’s a total rookie mistake there, pissing off the Zombies. Florida’s a battleground state, and one measure of a campaign’s savvy is understanding how things fit together down there. Parts of Miami, the Zombies are a powerful voting bloc, and they’ve voted GOP last three elections. That Huckabee, what an idiot!”

There may be much truth in Harrelson’s assessment of Huckabee’s motivations. It was announced this week the FOX News commenter plans a goodwill visit to Miami’s ‘little Haiti’ next month, wearing a motorcycle helmet.

Author: Liberties-Taken

I write gags for Glossy News when an idea pops into my pumpkin sized head. Don't make a big deal out of it, OK? I contribute to my local food pantry and you should too.

1 thought on “Huckabee Apologizes to Zombies

  1. Braaaiins!

    OOO, me accept appology. Can Gov. Huchabee come over for dinner?

    Look like fat head have lots of brains, maybe not.

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