Valentine’s Day Condom Heists Puzzle Store Owners
Multiple stores across the nation are just now reporting a significant increase in stolen condoms the week before Valentine’s Day. When asked for comment on the increase in theft, one store owner had this to say: “I understand the motivation,…
Texas Governor Rick Perry Loses Governor’s Mansion in Poker Game
Police in Austin, Texas were called to the Governor’s Mansion downtown in response to a call-in report that a strange man appeared to be living in the dwelling amidst the chaos of reconstruction. Upon entry, police officers found Henry Waldrep…
Caution: Saudi Women Behind the Wheel
Saudi women are hitting the streets, revving their engines and trying to drive home a very serious point. It’s all part of a push for social reform by defying the desert kingdom’s longstanding ban on female drivers. “We are not…
Rupert Murdoch Hands Out Free Puppies as Apology to Brits
The scandal involving Rupert Murdoch’s News of the World is spreading to Murdoch’s other holdings and some say it could spell doom for his News Corporation empire. Realizing immediately that his newspaper apology was doing nothing to quell the anger…
Palin and Bachman Go Mano-A-Mano in Nude Mud Wrestling Fundraiser
Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the…
CBD in Pennsylvania is taking off
Ever since it was legalized, Pennsylvania medical cannabis has been taking over the market. People are rushing to dispensaries and the industry sales have been shooting to the sky! Residents can’t wait to get their hands on CBD to treat…
Free Walmart Bingo Generator Game Released
Forget those underpowered, overpriced apps that promise you a fun game of Walmart Bingo, the FunnyHitman brings you one that’s even better, and best of all, it’s free to view, free to print and free to use as you laugh…
Palin Giving up Presidential Dream to Become Web Designer
Sarah Palin announced today that she will be giving up a life of politics in favor of pursuing her true passion. The decision comes shortly after J.K. Rowling announced her new website Potterworld. Many will remember that in 1997, a…
Joe Biden Takes on Fatherly Role at Debt Ceiling Talks
Vice President Joe Biden is using a unique approach when it comes to dealing with the petulant freshman Senators who aren’t budging an inch on the debt ceiling talks. Treating them like his sons, he has taken on a fatherly…
Santorum is Definitely ‘In It To Win It’
GMA NEW YORK —GlossyNews “We stood up and didn’t back away. We told everyone, ‘We’re In It to Win It,’ and we didn’t back down. Really, we didn’t back down,” former Senator Rick Santorum said. No one was standing next to…