Posted by your South America correspondents Maria and Consuela Lopez.
Maria: “We’ve been very busy covering the Syrian rebellion from the Greek Isles, and according to all the guys we’ve interviewed here, it’s not going too well in Syria.”
Consuela: “Depends on whose side you’re on, Maria. But CNN was on the TV at the bar last night, so we feel we must weigh in on this Georgetown University birth control controversy.”
Maria: “I think that Rush Limbo guy kinda has a point actually.”
Consuela: “Hermana, it’s not Limbo, his name is Limbaugh“.
Maria: “You could be right about that, Consuela, but who in the hell would name a kid Rush? What were they, fans of Canadian rock or something?”
Consuela: “Well, maybe that was Mom’s way of reminding Dad he was a bit quick on the dismount, if you know what I mean?”
Maria: “Could be. Hey, get me some more of that Ouzo.”
Consuela: “So, what’s the deal about Georgetown University? That’s a fancy place and very few people can even dream of going to a college like that. Complaining you can’t get free birth control doesn’t get sympathy from a girl working at I-HOP while trying to get her cosmetology license, all right? You’re not exactly in Rosa Parks territory here, chica.”
Maria: “Besides, isn’t birth control free at the Health Department?”
Consuela: “Oh yeah. Just go down there and fill out some forms, get tested for VD and stuff, but I think it’s free. And we’re all out of Ouzo again.”
Maria: ” Then we’re outta here! Before we go, I’ve just learned there’s been a new development in the Syrian rebellion, so this will have to be short. All of us who don’t go to Georgetown thought universal health care was so people don’t get denied coverage for pre-existing conditions. Stuff that was forcing families into bankruptcy while they were fighting terrible diseases. We didn’t know it should also include free birth control for Ivy Leaguers, so we’re not too worried about your terrible problem.”
Consuela: “If you are smart enough to become a lawyer you should be smart enough to manage birth control. Make your boyfriend pay for it! And we’re out of time. More on that Syrian thing when we actually know something about it. Yo…more Ouzo!”