TRUMP TOWER, NYC —GlossyNews The final logistics for “Trump’s Huge Gourmet Dinner to Fund Gov. Romney” have been released. The Donald announced that “on landing at Kennedy the fortunate attendees – the chosen folk – will receive free post-flight ground transportation in the Trump vehicle, a personal guided tour and overnight stay at the Trump International Hotel & Tower and have a gourmet dinner with me, Donald Trump. And Mitt, of course. How could I ever forget Mitt? I’m hosting his fundraiser dinner!
“Oh, and we definitely will have a drawing to select two lucky people from the $3 lottery pool who will sit at my table during the dinner segment of the trip absolutely free. Mitt’s campaign is sorry they are unable to pay the expenses for these two, but they are both most welcome to join my personal tour of the fabulous Trump Tower before dinner. My treat.
“Right now we are actively seeking any secondary sponsors to pony up for the expenses – it’s only a few thousand or so each, so we hope to find the sponsors. But if neither $3 winner is able to attend, my two sons will be flown in from their spring African safari to fill the seats. They love my food.”
“Ticket price, schmicket price! Get off my back, Jack! If you have to ask, then do not, repeat, do not send in your $3. This is not a cheap-ass Democrat Dinner here! We want only totally committed, non-confrontational GOPTea© Mitt supporters. No game players allowed. I will continue to say that this is not about me here.”
So he continued, “My popularity is fundamentally more visible than that of a George Looney – or is it Clooney? And I am richer than all the presidential candidates combined – I mean since George Washington until today – all 44 of them were losers. Six billion and counting, baby! But, really who’s counting?
“I think it’s only self-evident that I, Donald Trump, will be the single most significant and severe GOPTea© surrogate that a candidate could ever imagine or hope to have in their corner. This is measuring up to be the fight of the century folks.”
Then thoughtfully he said, “I know a lot of people out there listen to what I have to say. Just look at my Nielsens for The Apprentice and Celebrity Apprentice. Every season more and more people tune in. And it’s not Joan Rivers they are looking for either. You know, there would be lines out the door of my Trump Tower with people waiting for an apartment to open up. If I had such a door.
“Believe you me, I know what it takes to run a country. Just look at what I’ve done for New York, Atlantic City and Florida alone, then imagine what could be in store for the whole USA with Trump Power. I’m talking to you Colorado. And you Ohio. And you Kentucky. You all know you need a Trump in your rump.”
As if on a roll, he continued, “And I feel for Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran — they’ll all be in line for a Trump Tower, if and when they show they can support one. All those Talibans and those guys named Al, they need a huge well-placed Trump Casino. It’ll take their minds off doing terrorism, the only thing that is important to them now. But, casinos are job creators, friends,” he finished.
“Now enough about me, this is supposed to be about Mitt. Be sure to vote for Mitt. And a vote for Mitt might get you a nice bottle of Trump Vodka. Ever had Trump Vodka? Don’t miss out. We’ll need a photo copy of your vote to get you the hooch.
“So get out and vote, and get Mitt’s $3 in the mail. You can phone it in to 1-800-THE DONALD. Make it $5, and a huge 2 oz bottle of Trump Vodka will be in your return mail.
“Please note that the post label will say ‘Men’s Cologne Sample’, but it will be Trump Vodka, we do this all the time in New York. No. Big. Deal.”
Trump briefly stopped by the appetizer table to ruffle his fingers through the Cheetos bowl, presumably to reapply his base, and departed for the evening.