Paul Ryan Devastated by Ayn Rand Revelation
During a campaign stop in Virginia Friday, Republican vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan was rocked by the revelation that Ayn Rand’s books were fiction. He had intended to make a quick walk thru of a small locally owned book store when…
Mother of World’s Hairiest Baby Hospitalized
A 36 year-old woman is undergoing psychiatric testing after it was discovered that she was unaware that the child she had been pushing around in a pram for the last 5 years was in fact a dog. The dog, known…
Vice-President Biden Begins Doping for Debate
Last week the big news for the 2012 presidential election was the worse-than-expected performance of President Obama in his match-up with former Governor, and Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney. Although Obama was able to firmly demonstrate that he did have…
Romney “Apologizes” to Obama After Debate Debacle
WASHINGTON DC- Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney sort of apologized to the president this week after the crushing debate performance he delivered, though it remains unclear as to whether Governor Romney actually knows what an apology is. Although the political arena…
London Forgets Sports
A recent survey has shown that the people of London have forgotten what sport is, now that the Olympics are over. In a poll, conducted by the British Sports Council, participants were asked simple questions such as “What is basket…
The Rumble: Stewart vs. O’Reilly… Stewart Won
This wasn’t the most anticipated pay-per-view event of the year, but it was big enough to crash the livestream servers. Sure it was only $5 a pop, but half the money went to charity, and at the end of the…
Mitt Romney Admits to Masturbating
GOP Presidential candidate and devout Mormon Mitt Romney admitted today that he ‘experimented’ once with masturbation when he was in college. “It was a stupid youthful experimentation”, Romney explained. “I’m not proud of it, I didn’t ejaculate, I didn’t enjoy…
Romney Post Debate Strategy: Flip-Flop More
The first presidential debate has inspired Romney campaign officials to change their overall strategy in order to gain a higher percentage of the upcoming vote. After demonstrating his ability to completely drop previous positions, and offer new policies without concern…
Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare
BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself. The Christian leader landed…
These Are The Guys Who Are Going To Set The Nation Straight?
Let me see if I got this straight: We have a national election going on. Only two guys are really running in it. Both are spending obscene amounts of money to campaign for it. Mostly other people’s money. Both are…