Hummer Totally on Guy’s Ass for, Like, the Last 2 Miles

CARMEL – According to reports from the driver’s side of a silver Buick Century, that damn Hummer has been on local man Jeff Foggerty’s ass for, like, at least the last 2 miles.

Even though Foggerty is himself marginally over the speed limit, the jackass in his rear view mirror clearly wants to play hardball and he should just back the eff off already.

“What, does he think I can go any faster than this?,” exclaimed an incredulous Foggerty. “You’re just going to have to wait your turn, mister. Ain’t no getting ’round me until the interstate, buster.”

According to reports, the Hummer’s dickwad of a driver is getting damn-near bumper-to-bumper with Foggerty’s vehicle while repeatedly flashing his brights, as if this will make Foggerty go any faster.

Further reports suggest that Shit-For-Brains back there had better be ready to pay out of his insurance if Foggerty needs to slam on his brakes at any point. In fact, it would be sweet fucking revenge to just slam on his brakes regardless, just to teach that prick a real lesson.

Author: Laurence Brown

Laurence Brown is an award-winning comedic journalist based in Indianapolis, Indiana, who has edited several satirical news papers since 1999. Hailing from the United Kingdom, he has also written plays and short stories. He has a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing from Lancaster University. This article was originally published by The Indy Tribune.

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