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Theresa May Resigns, Becomes Guardian Editor

Theresa May Resigns, Becomes Guardian Editor

Conservative Party leader Theresa May is tired of endless harassment from voters and grubby hard-right red-top hacks (like George Osborne of the Evening Standard). So, she has decided her career in politics is no longer a worthwhile pursuit.

Notable left-wing establishment broadsheet The Guardian is known for its uniquely conservative form of liberal and social democratic politics. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, World News0 Comments

Manchester Bomber Meets Allah for the First Time (And Buddha Too)

Manchester Bomber Meets Allah for the First Time (And Buddha Too)

Hellfire?! But I did everything you asked me to!
WTF?! You got the power cut to your head, son!
No, I did it all, your Celestial Highness. Like, for real!
Hang on, I think I’ve lost the thread here. What exactly did you think I asked you to do?
Like, killing children, attacking civilians, shredding the flesh of pregnant mothers with shrapnel and nails, and…
Quotes or it didn’t happen!

Something something something kill-the-infidels-wherever-you-see-them, something something something Dar el Harb.
Listen, boy. When you’re in a hole, stop digging.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tell them to let go of me! I’m your most loyal slave!
… WTF. Seriously, how do I even get these people?! If I wanted slaves, I would have given the earth to monkeys or some kind of vile, insect-like creature.
FUCK YOU, AL! I’M BEING FRIENDZONED!
Seriously. I’m sick of these fakers. They’re really breaking my groove. Hey Bud, how’s all that pretentious Myanmar theocracy bollocks goin’?
Same. Seriously, Al, I swear! These radical monk assholes are just sooooooooooo full of shit, man!
Some day, brother…
Some day….

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(Meme) The Marxist Gayssot Law: France’s Greatest Gift to the Nazi Community?

(Meme) The Marxist Gayssot Law: France’s Greatest Gift to the Nazi Community?

Everyone knows historical negationism laws like the Marxist Gayssot Laws are authoritarian and anti-speech. This certain fact is a ‘sky is blue’ kind of thing which is self-evidently not open to debate.
But here’s a more challenging question:
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We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany

We Can Justify Making Saudi Arabia Our Ally for the Same Reasons as Nazi Germany

1. An alliance with Nazi Germany could have provided us with excellent anti-Soviet intel.

2. Economics-wise, Germany was hard to overlook. Plenty of rich carbon resources; in the short to medium term, a significant player in the world economy up to now. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, World News0 Comments

Just a Quick Reminder to Keep the Faith on Satire

Just a Quick Reminder to Keep the Faith on Satire

This is Stephane Charbonnier, or ‘Charb,’ from Charlie Hebdo. He was murdered not long ago. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, World News0 Comments

From Blair Effect to Cameron? How Long Before Dave Starts Making Helpful Public ‘Interventions?’

From Blair Effect to Cameron? How Long Before Dave Starts Making Helpful Public ‘Interventions?’

One of the most hilarious things on Twitter is the apparently non-satirical interventions Tony Blair makes in public life.

But it turns out brave Dave hasn’t exactly retired to have a wank in his yacht either! Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, World News0 Comments

Not Funny: Another Tasteless Joke About Syria (It Doesn’t Taste of Bitter Orange Though)

Not Funny: Another Tasteless Joke About Syria (It Doesn’t Taste of Bitter Orange Though)

What’s the difference between moderate Syrian choppers and an impotent autocrat? Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Richard Dawkins to Open a Sustainable Fish and Chip Shop

Richard Dawkins to Open a Sustainable Fish and Chip Shop

OXFORD, ENGLAND – Richard Dawkins, professor emeritus and former chair of public understanding of science at Oxford University has announced plans to open a new fish and chip shop that aims to serve up a sustainable catch. Professor Dawkins explained:

Cod has been on the Marine Conversation Society’s endangered stocks list for many years now.
But, despite all of the evidence, traditional fish and chip shops have continued to ignore these warnings.
Those who believe we can simply continue to consume cod at our current rates are under a severe delusion!

Professor Dawkins continued:

However, at my fish and chip shop, we are proud to say that there is no cod.

Professor Dawkins rose to fame in the fishing industry in 1976 with the release of his book “The Shellfish Gene.” He further cemented his reputation as one of the sharkest thinkers in marine biology with his 1998 bestselling book “Unweaving the Rainbow Trout.”

However, he has been in the public eye most recently for his sharp criticism of religion. Alongside Sam Harris, Christopher Hitchens and Daniel Dennett, Dawkins is referred to as one of the “four seahorses of the apocalypse.”

Professor Dawkins’s shop has come under attack from Christian groups. Stephen Green from Christian Voice accused the shop of failing to provide a sustainable alternative. Green explained:

It would be much more efficient for Dawkins to buy two loaves of bread and a few fish, and then divide them up until everybody had some.

 

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Posted in Science, World News0 Comments

George Osborne Facing Possible Death Sentence in Indonesia for Cocaine Offenses

George Osborne Facing Possible Death Sentence in Indonesia for Cocaine Offenses

Former UK Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne (formerly known as Gideon Osborne) has recently been arrested for drug possession and trafficking offenses in Indonesia.

Indonesia, like many countries in Southeast and Northeast Asia, has very stringent laws on narcotics.

And a number of British citizens have fallen afoul of these drug laws in recent years; finding themselves confined for decades to the depressing squalour of grotesque mass prisons.

Some have even been executed.

And confidential sources now tell us Osborne himself is likely to meet the same fate. Speaking on condition of anonymity, one source close to the Indonesian government tells Glossy News: Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

Syrian Intel Identify UK Gov, Tony Blair Charity as ‘Violent Extremists’

Syrian Intel Identify UK Gov, Tony Blair Charity as ‘Violent Extremists’

Syrian is currently in the middle of a fairly brutal and bloody civil war.

And yet, Syrian intelligence have still managed to find the time to pompously moralize and point the finger at some of the innumerable vicious and dangerous out-for-blood extremists and fanatics who, they claim, are trying to subvert and ultimately destroy their country.

A recent Wikileak from the Damascus authorities contains the following indictment of some rather familiar faces: Continue Reading

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Posted in War Zone, World News0 Comments

Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Tony Blair Orders French Citizens not to Vote for Marine Le Pen

Former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair is appalled at the recent EU referendum decision in the UK; as well as his failed attempts to prevent Corbyn becoming, and indeed remaining, Labour leader.
A rather flustered press conference has given him an opportunity to say where people in the UK are going wrong:

Now listen. Some there be who’d say our track record on successful interventions is rather far from shoddy by any means!
I mean, let’s look at it like this, there isn’t any real need for me to talk in detail…
About how we peacefully liberated the whole of Iraq, assisted with David Cameron’s dethroning of Gaddafi, and held the self-styled Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi’s feet to the fire by calling for ground troops against Daesh.
But our intervention in the EU referendum seems to have taken a peculiar turn. Not one person can ever say with a clear conscience that our intervention in Iraq, under our premiership, did half as much harm as reactionary pacifists are claiming about us.
And we simply have no conception of why our instructions to vote against Jeremy Corbyn were so poorly received. What could possibly account for this? If you don’t want to listen to us now, you ought not to have voted for us in the first place. Look at all we have done for you. We personally have liberated the Middle East, stopped the Serbians from committing genocide, oh and don’t forget Sierra Leone.
Well? What more could a socially conscious British citizen POSSIBLY want from us, in terms of public policy?! Oh and there were a few little things like the minimum wage and social housing too; they may not be of quite such critical and earthshattering importance, but we suppose they have their place.
There is simply no accounting for it at all. Nothing could be more unexpected and shocking that we, I mean we personally, y’know, could instruct the British people on where they were going wrong, and they should just plough on ahead and defy our will!
We mean, such unprecedented and inexplicable arrogance, spite and hubris is simply beyond all comprehension!
Still, never mind, eh? We am, er, we are, going to instruct the French not to vote for Marine Le Pen.
Now, we am quite sure that will just work a treat!

Originally published on Satirical Industrial Complex.

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Posted in Top Stories, World News0 Comments

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

How Vicente Fox Won the Cold War

Nobody else can drop these #fucken #apostrophes like a boss! Let’s give it up for big Vic!

(By the way, if you don’t believe me, look him up on Youtube. This is a really classy guy! Love his flow).

***

Hey Jo, you know, we not havin your fucken missiles next door to our country. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News0 Comments

Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster

Republication of Mein Kampf Hate Tract Isn’t a Disaster… The Original Publication was a Disaster

Not long ago I made a comment below a certain article about the republication of Mein Kampf in Germany:

It runs as follows (slightly edited): Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary, World News0 Comments

Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun Never Ends

Trudeau Eulogies: The Fun Never Ends

TRUDEAU  ADOLF HITLER EULOGY

Adolf Hitler did many things that we, as 21st century, progressive, tolerant, metropolitan Canadians, find difficult to accept.

But Hitler did stand firm against the Red Army, preventing them from swamping Europe and perpetrating the hideous mass atrocities and crimes against Humanity they committed elsewhere, on the other side of the world, in Russia, or thereabouts.

TRUDEAU BENITO MUSSOLINI EULOGY

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Hot Out of the Oven – New Donald Trump Memes

Donald Trump Memes Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, World News0 Comments

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Donald Trump’s Latest Conspiratorial Rant: ‘The Jews Control Israel’ (2/2)

Last time:

TRUMP: The Jews! Incredible. The Jews control Israel. Unbelievable. Believe me, this is yuuuge.

JAKE TAPPER: OK, I’m buying it. But what about some of our more sceptical viewers out there? What’s your message for them?

The story continues:

TRUMP: The Jews control Israel! But you’re not allowed to talk about it! Donald…

Trump…

Is the only

President… Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, World News0 Comments

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