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Donald Trump Blames ‘Divisive Alt-Left Troublemakers’ for Nazi Atrocities

Donald Trump Blames ‘Divisive Alt-Left Troublemakers’ for Nazi Atrocities

Hot on the heels of his recent condemnation of the Alt-Left’s perceived role in Charlottesville, crossed-dressed statues and (via Comrade Saruman) the great Minas Tirith massacre in Tolkien’s equally imaginary fantasy fairyland of Gondor…

The Donald is now playing a time-traveling role. Continue Reading

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Blair Bombshell: “Tories Ignored my Warning Not to Intervene in Libya”

Blair Bombshell: “Tories Ignored my Warning Not to Intervene in Libya”

Former Prime Minister and most hated man in Britain Tony Blair has recently dropped a devastating bombshell that is sure to restore his flagging reputation beyond all measure. Continue Reading

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Answers to the Macron/Mussolini Quiz: Could You Tell the Difference?

Answers to the Macron/Mussolini Quiz: Could You Tell the Difference?

Hope you enjoyed the quiz!

Answers: Continue Reading

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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 4/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 4/4)

And here’s the final part! The answers appear in five minutes.

If you found it funny (or just downright disturbing), feel free to share and tell your friends!

24. I have a vision of my country, and I cannot sit and watch things pass by. Continue Reading

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Sacked Stonehenge Tour Guide Fool Takes Employer to Court

Sacked Stonehenge Tour Guide Fool Takes Employer to Court

Stonehenge tour guide buffoon Charles ‘Rocky’ Stone has taken his employer to court for unfair dismissal.
Stone 56, was fired for misleading tourists with ill-informed facts and research. Stone commented:
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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 2/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 2/4)

Hope you’re enjoying the new quiz!

How many did you get right last time??? Continue Reading

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Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 1/4)

Who Said it First? Macron or Mussolini? (Questions: 1/4)

The Garcon-Wonder Emmanuel Macron is facing some stiff challenges in times to come.

Not least, the somewhat superficially sinister character of some of his pronouncements.

Can you work out which quotes are from Macron, and which are from Mussolini? Continue Reading

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Macron & Mussolini: Spot the Difference (4-Day Quiz Fest)

Macron & Mussolini: Spot the Difference (4-Day Quiz Fest)

Every day until Thursday, there’ll be a new instalment in our latest “Who Said it First?” quiz series.

Previously, it was Tony Blair and Hitler. Continue Reading

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G20 Anarchist Rioters Denounce Merkel’s ‘SS-Style Hooliganism’

G20 Anarchist Rioters Denounce Merkel’s ‘SS-Style Hooliganism’

The Hamburg G20 has been met with the usual riots and hooliganistic behavior from sexually-frustrated undergraduates and straight white upper-class Black Bloc pseudo-intellectuals.

However, the recent reclaiming of the city by 15 000 police officers has led to serious criticisms.

One protestor told us: Continue Reading

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Bristol Palin Converts to Islam, Promotes Chastity Agenda for Iran

Bristol Palin Converts to Islam, Promotes Chastity Agenda for Iran

After her Bristolgate scandals of a few years back, the crisis-hit daughter of Sarah Palin has decided to turn over a new leaf.

Sick of the hypocrisy of conservative evangelicals, she has decided to convert to Islam instead. Continue Reading

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‘Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitist’ Theresa May Slammed by Rival Gang of Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitists

‘Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitist’ Theresa May Slammed by Rival Gang of Out-of-touch, Unelected Elitists

Theresa May’s Brexit negotiations have just hit a sour note with accusations by a gang of undemocratic, over-privileged elitists that May and her party are a gang of undemocratic, over-privileged elitists. Continue Reading

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Disillusioned European ISIS Recruits Post List of Demands: Doesn’t End Well

Disillusioned European ISIS Recruits Post List of Demands: Doesn’t End Well

European ISIS recruits have experienced a bit of a culture shock recently.

Jolly jihadis all over Europe have had difficulty acclimatizing to the rather austere conditions; so a recent list of grievances has been sent to the currently headless leadership of the Islamic State.

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Outbreak of Killer Clown Fights in Belfast

Outbreak of Killer Clown Fights in Belfast

The killer crown craze has finally hit Northern Ireland!

Bigtime Bozo Theresa ‘Trident Tumblebuffin May’ found the Tory Clown Car a little empty, and she needed to squeeze a few more crazy buffoons into her wacko little circus ring in London!

The Monster Raving Loony Party weren’t interested. Continue Reading

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Piers Morgan Receives Prize for Best Scottish Nationalist

Piers Morgan Receives Prize for Best Scottish Nationalist

Piers Morgan is not only one of the UK’s most lovable and highly respected journalists; he has now been given an award from Alex Salmond for his sterling contributions to the Scottish Nationalist cause.

Salmond groans: Continue Reading

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Chelsea Man Evicted from Theatre for Testicle Altercation

Chelsea Man Evicted from Theatre for Testicle Altercation

Theatre goer Ivor Ball has been evicted from The Old Vic Theatre in London, after his testicles started fighting during the play ‘A Shakespeare Tragedy.’

Mr. Ball 42, commented:

Regrettably, a disturbance was prompted, as a consequence of a rare medical condition I am blighted with called testicleitis. This occurs when two testicles argue their differences to the point of physical conflict.

It’s similar to rival twins in their endeavour to establish a singular identity and hierarchy.

A bicycle seat partition intervention is the only remedy to ensure the balls co-exist harmoniously, but I wasn’t allowed to take my cycle into the theatre.

THE TESTICLE INCIDENT

“To be or not to be: that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – ‘Oi! shove over fatty bollock – there’s room in the sack for two!’ (testicle one).

“Or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them” – ‘shut your face shrivelled walnut bollock! Ouch! I’m entitled to half an inch of gap too!’ (testicle two).

“To die: to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartache” – ‘Push off lumpy! – just because you hang higher in the ball sack, it doesn’t give you special status!’ (testicle one).

“And the thousand natural shocks, that flesh to heir to, this consummation – devoutly to be wished” – ‘Piss off baldy! I’ve got more hair! Ouch! Aaaagh!’ (testicle two).

“To sleep: perchance to dream: ay there’s the rub; for in that sleep of death” – ‘So what hairy? I produce more sperm! Ouch! Get off!’ (testicle one).

Mr. Ball has been issued with a lifetime ban from The Old Vic. His testicles were unavailable for comment.

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DUP Unsure Why They Find Jihadists Objectionable

DUP Unsure Why They Find Jihadists Objectionable

The Democratic Unionist Party, not to be confused with the Worker’s Party of North Korea and the Taxpayers’ Alliance, have always been among the staunchest opponents of reactionary social norms and backward, superstitious obscurantism.

Well, at least when these civic abberations are coming from non-evangelical-fundamentalist sources, anyway!

But when challenged by perfidious Celtsman Andrew Neil of the BBC, DUP head establishment doorstop Darlene Whatever-the-Name-Is appeared to genuinely struggle to articulate why she considers the jihadist menace to be such a big deal.

The boisterous saffron superstar growled out:

C’mon now, lassie! You are supposed tae bee in gurnmint wi’ the Tooooouuuuuries! ‘N’ ye mean tee say ye dinneeeeevn knaw preciiiiisely warritiz aboot the jeehadeeeees ye dunt even like!

Flouncing Foster replied:

Well, to be fair tee ye, now, Andrewwwww, we just thought it was a wee bit ungodly, and all that there, now!

This comment was not well received.

Och now! Did yer ma drop ye on the head as a wean, Foster! Sure don’t the jeehadeeees clee-um tae be doin’ exactly the same thing as you folks!

A rather baffled Foster asked for further elucidation from the half-Anglified Bard o’ Bannockburn.

Spiky Andy responded:

Well, they think gay people, or as you folk call them, ‘Sodomites,’ are headin’ for the eternal hellfire. And a weeman’s place is in the home. And people o’ ungodly accursed religions and other blasphemers shall undergo eternal punishment for their satanic wiles and blasphemies!

Immediately perking up, Foster muttered that if the DUP were open-minded enough to do a deal with Sinn Fein, they could probably stretch to a meaningful political compromise with the jihadists. After all, their religious and moral differences are fairly inconsequential compared to the vast gulf separating good godfearing Ulster Prods from the perfidious, Papish, Romish heure o’ Babylon!

 

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