Boris Johnson SUPER GAFFE! “Neo-Nazi Terrorists are a Terrible Drain on Our Prison System”

Corbyn Johnson

Fiscally responsible coke-ridden cockwomble Boris Johnson has furiously denounced Jeremy Corbyn’s ‘grossly opportunistic and uncompassionate’ calls for a zero-tolerance approach to white supremacist terrorism.

So much for the compassionate left! Everybody in society deserves a second chance. The stigma of belonging to deeply unpopular armed militant organisations and humanitarian activist groupings like Combat 18, the National Front, the English Defence League and in particular, the unjustly maligned Conservative Monday Club, is greatly harming rehabilitation efforts. Let’s be clear: every single knuckle-dragging, mosque-burning, tank-top-wearing-bum-boy-bashing arrest is a real tragedy, and there is no way we can ever make progress against the forces of hatred and division unless we honorably refrain from lowering ourselves to the level of the kinds of people Corbyn is opportunistically trying to make political capital out of! Speaking for myself, I mean personally, I see a great deal of good in these chaps: what a pity to waste some of our best human capital and labor resources, purely on account of some petty, vengeful revenge instincts! I mean call me sentimental, chaps, but I’d rather they were flourishing in the outside world and doing whatever they love doing, than just futilely festering away in some rotten jail cell! And most importantly of all, just think of the tremendous sums of taxpayer’s money being pointlessly spaffed up the wall, purely for the sake of some backward, unenlightened prejudice against anyone who maybe didn’t have the best start in life and has made some rather foolish decisions… I mean by Jove, we’ve all been there, haven’t we!

Jezza responds:

If Boris Johnson thinks he can pull the wool over the eyes of the British people, he is sorely mistaken! The Conservative Monday Club and all the other organisations he just mentioned are simply sub-human, parasitical thugs who are unworthy of life, and many of them are associates of key party grandees as well! So here’s the problem: if you hang around with terrorists and genocidal knuckledraggers for decades on end, then you can’t really complain if people begin to suspect you of being a terrorist sympathiser can you? I mean, it’s only just common sense! He SAYS he’s not a bigot himself, and that may or may not be true; still, he’s not really helping his cause is he??? Hang ’em high comrades, that’s all I can say!

Rumor has it British public opinion is sharply divided on whether the foregoing comments were maliciously fabricated and/or taken out of context by the ‘BIAS NEOLIBERAL MURDOCH PRESS!!!!!’ or the ‘LOONY LEFTY GUARDIAN FLEET STREET MAFIA!!!!!’

Either way, the election is clearly hotting up, and that can only bode well for the True News Industry…

We’ll be sure to keep you posted!

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Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!